Jason stared at Hotch and Spencer in surprise, immediately noting the bandage on Spencer’s throat and Hotch’s protective, hostile stance. It relaxed only slightly on identifying him and Jason mentally winced, knowing he deserved the lack of trust even as he wondered what the hell was going on. He finally broke the silence with, “Thank you for not changing the locks.”
That seemed to startle Hotch out of his silence. “It’s your home. Why would we change the locks?”
“Oh, I can think of a few reasons,” Jason replied wryly. Glancing at Spencer, he asked, “What happened?”
Spencer flushed and looked away as he muttered, “Long story.”
That’s informative, Jason thought as the silence lengthened. He hadn’t exactly anticipated open arms, but this awkward silence hadn’t been expected, either. He suggested slowly, “Should I get a hotel room?”
Hotch shook his head after a brief hesitation and replied, “No, of course not. You just…surprised us. We weren’t expecting you.”
“Who were you expecting?” Jason questioned. “No one you wanted to see, from your postures.”
Letting out a brief sigh, Hotch said, “Why don’t we sit? Or, are you thirsty? You’ve probably had a long trip. Do you want to fix something to eat first?”
Jason motioned towards the sofa and said, “I’m fine, Hotch. Just tell me what happened.”
Spencer and Hotch took the long couch together while Jason sat in the recliner, partially facing them. He shifted it so he could look at them more directly, noting how close Spencer sat to Hotch, resting against him as if for protection. Something bad had gone down and from the careful lack of expression on Hotch’s face, it was personal.
“The short story is that Rossi attacked Spencer to get to me, as a move to become Alpha of the pack,” Hotch said bluntly.
Fury instantly flooded through Jason. It was strong enough that his claws burst forth to dig into the arms of the recliner, though not strong enough to send him into a rage. He took a slow, deep breath, willing himself to calm down enough to ask, “You took care of it?”
“Insofar as I could,” Hotch replied, grimacing. “It was at the office.”
“Where’s Rossi now?”
Hotch admitted, “I don’t know. I thought you might be him, trying to finish the job.”
Jason looked at Spencer and asked, “Are you all right?”
“Hotch stopped him before he could really hurt me,” Spencer replied, not meeting his gaze.
Not a resounding response and it did nothing to reassure Jason. If only Spencer would look at him so he could judge how shaken up or damaged the other man was.
Another awkward silence descended and then Spencer announced, “I’m going to bed,” before climbing off the sofa and practically running up the stairs.
Jason sighed and watched him go.
“It’s going to take time, Gideon,” Hotch said.
Nodding, Jason looked back at Hotch and asked, “And you?”
A faint, wry smile briefly graced Hotch’s face as he repeated, “It’s going to take time. I know why you left, but I’m still mad as hell at you for taking the easy way out instead of letting us help. Spencer…well, even before Rossi attacked him, he was confused and upset with you just taking off on us. I think…I don’t think he understands that it’s okay to be angry with you and still love you.”
“But you do?” Jason lightly pressed.
Hotch shrugged and pointed out, “I know more about anger than Spencer does. I’ve spent most of my life repressing it. Don’t worry about me, Gideon. I’m plenty in tune with my emotions where you’re concerned and trust me. You don’t want to hear about it now while you’re tired and traveled-out.”
Jason huffed in dark amusement. “You’re probably right. I’ll take the guest room.”
Hotch nodded and stood, walking over to him. He gripped Jason’s shoulder and said, “I’m glad you’re back, Jason, but things are different now. We need to be very clear about our status before involving the rest of the pack.”
Knowing that was true, Jason nodded agreement and put his hand on Hotch’s. “I know.”
Hotch stared at him a long moment before following Spencer upstairs.
Jason let out a long sigh of tension and cracked his neck to try and loosen the tight muscles. Definitely not the homecoming he’d hoped for, but it could have been a lot worse. Standing, feeling every hour of travel, he collected his suitcase and headed upstairs to the guest room.
Tomorrow would come soon enough.
* * * *
Spencer paced the bedroom in a small, neat circle once he got there, unable to really believe that Jason stood downstairs. Jason. Was downstairs. On top of everything else that had happened, it seemed… wrong, somehow. As though he hadn’t just spent the last several months wishing for exactly this situation.
“Spencer?”
Turning at Hotch’s call, Spencer stopped pacing and answered, “Yes?”
“Are you all right?” Hotch asked, walking over to him, dark eyes searching.
Spencer silently wrapped his arms around the other man, holding tight. His strength and warmth surrounded Spencer in a solid, reassuring way that he needed far too much. “What’s wrong with me? I want him back, I always have, but…now that he’s here, I don’t know if I do.”
Hotch hugged him and kissed his ear before murmuring, “It’s perfectly understandable. You feel betrayed and abandoned. You’re just protecting yourself.”
“But…”
Pulling back, Hotch stopped his words with a slow, easy kiss. Spencer sighed into it and relaxed against him, opening to the contact with need and pleasure. When it ended, he felt far more grounded and managed a smile at his lover.
Hotch smiled back and told him, “Get changed for bed. We’ve got a busy day tomorrow.”
Biting his lip, Spencer asked, “What about Gideon?”
“You let me worry about Gideon,” Hotch ordered firmly. “All you have to do is what’s right for you. He’s got no expectations here and knows that he deserves whatever you give him.”
Spencer noted the ‘you’ instead of ‘we,’ but didn’t comment. Instead, he went to the bathroom to go through his nightly routine. By the time he finished in there, Hotch lay in the bed, dressed comfortably in his usual sweats and t-shirt while reading a report of some kind. Spencer climbed under the covers and squirmed close to him, happily breathing in the stronger than usual scent.
Hotch chuckled and teased, “Comfortable?”
“Yes, thanks,” Spencer replied, grinning back.
Setting the report on the bedside table, Hotch stretched to turn off the light and slid down.
Spencer moved with him, sliding a leg between his and whispering, “You want him back, don’t you?”
Hotch sighed and then said, “I don’t know what I want yet, Spencer. It’s…too soon.”
But Spencer knew that wasn’t true. He heard the falsehood in his lover’s voice and it saddened him to think the other man couldn’t confide in him, especially about something so big.
“We’ll talk about it tomorrow. For now, just get some sleep, all right?”
Spencer nodded and sighed deeply, forcing himself to relax enough to drift into sleep.
* * * *
Aaron woke first the following morning and left Spencer sleeping in their bed. He lightly brushed the hair from his lover’s face before heading downstairs to find Gideon already up and in the kitchen. Not that that surprised him. He and Gideon generally woke around the same time every day; or they had before, at least.
“Morning,” Gideon greeted. “Coffee?”
Aaron nodded. “Please.”
He sat while Gideon poured a cup and set it on the table in front of him before taking the chair opposite.
“Spencer still asleep?”
Sipping at the hot liquid first, he answered, “Yes. It’s been a stressful month for him.”
Gideon nodded slowly and asked, “Was it all because of Rossi, or is there more going on I should know about?”
Aaron debated being petty and not giving the other man the information he obvious craved. “Rossi’s the majority of it, but there were a couple of cases that hit him hard. Came damn near to getting himself killed because he over-identified with a boy with a gun. I had to officially rep him for that. And there’s a new packmate on top of Rossi, so that’s got him feeling a little insecure.”
Gideon’s eyebrows went up and he prompted, “New packmate?”
Aaron had to smile thinking about Kevin. He explained, “Temporary replacement for Garcia who subsequently wound up getting snared by her and Morgan. He’s a good kid, brilliant, too.”
“What happened to Garcia?” Gideon asked, looking pained.
Frowning at him, Aaron countered, “You really didn’t keep track of anything, wherever you were?”
Gideon shook his head.
Aaron sighed a little, but said, “Garcia was shot by someone she decided to date because Morgan wasn’t paying enough attention to her. Turned out that he was really a serial killer who thought she was keeping in contact with the victim’s family because she was getting close to finding him. Kevin took over for her at the BAU while she was laid up and then just never left. And yes, he’s a Shifter, though we didn’t know that when he was assigned to us. Not until he walked through the door and I got a whiff of him. We haven’t formally accepted him, but it’s a foregone conclusion. Gideon, why are you here? Why now?”
Wincing, Gideon scrubbed finger through his hair and then replied, “I don’t know. Instinct? I was…screwed up, Hotch, and I couldn’t…I had to work through it on my own. I’m sorry, I know that hurt the both of you, but I really had to do it myself. I’d managed a kind of equilibrium the last few months, found a, a kind of peace with myself and what happened. Though it was more than just Frank. A lot more.”
Aaron nodded to show that he understood. And he did. He’d known for a while before the whole situation with Frank that Gideon had been on shaky ground.
“In any case, the last couple of weeks or so, I’ve been…restless…more so than I could remember being in a long time. Not restless, no, agitated is a better word. And since nothing had changed in my immediate world, I thought something might have happened to the pack. As soon as that came across my mind, it was like a compulsion that I had to fulfill in order to make it go away, so I came back,” Gideon finished with a shrug.
As reasons to return went, it was less than desirable. Not a single ‘I missed you,’ or ‘I needed you,’ or even a, ‘I wanted to come home.’ Just that he had to. Aaron was glad that he’d been bracing himself for something along those lines so the hurt and disappointment that clawed at his gut didn’t show.
And then Gideon grimaced and continued, “I put that badly. It wasn’t just a compulsion to make sure the pack was all right. I’d found peace, yes, but also…I was only half alive without you and Spencer. My emotions were in check, my mind in balance, but my heart…it felt emptier than ever. Even before I got the urge to make sure things were okay, I was starting to make plans to return. To come back to you and Spencer.”
Aaron breathed a little easier at the amendment.
“Is that true?” Spencer asked unexpectedly. “Do you mean it, or did you tell Hotch what you know he wanted to hear?”
Aaron had been so engrossed in Jason that he hadn’t even heard the younger man walk down the stairs. Looking over, he found a tight, pinched expression on his lover’s face, the unkempt hair giving him a more fragile air than usual.
Gideon stood and walked over to Spencer, though he didn’t touch him. Instead, he simply said, “It’s true. Spencer, I love you. That’s never changed and it never will. Just as I will always love Hotch. Just sometimes…the voices and demons in my head get too loud and I have to go quiet them. It’s not something anyone can help with, as much as I might want it to be otherwise.”
The suspicion on Spencer’s face didn’t abate as he demanded, “And how long before you leave us again? Can we trust you not to?”
Sighing, Gideon answered, “I don’t know. I can only promise to handle it better next time. I won’t disappear again, that I swear. I won’t just vanish on you. If…when things get difficult, I’ll let you and Hotch both know. I’ll stay in contact. You’ll know where I am. That’s…all I can do, Spencer, I’m sorry. I wish it were more.”
But Aaron knew that it was huge. For Gideon to open up that much, to share that much of himself had to cut deep into the older man. He spoke before Spencer could, not wanting the more impulsive young man to set fire to bridges he didn’t mean to burn down. “For now, that’s all we can ask of you. What about work and the pack?”
Spencer looked like he wanted to argue, but settled for glaring at them both before leaving the kitchen again.
Gideon stared after Spencer a moment and then turned back to walk to the table, saying, “I’ve spoken to Strauss and I’ll resume my teaching duties, but that’s it. I won’t be working with the team again, not even on a consulting basis. I can’t, Hotch.”
Aaron held up a hand and smiled briefly. “I understand. And the pack?”
Offering a wry twist of the lips, “Even if they accept me back, I wouldn’t usurp your power, Aaron. You’re the Alpha now. It’s passed to the one most suited to lead and I have no desire to try and get it back.”
Something that he hadn’t even known about eased deep inside and Aaron relaxed a little more. If Jason had wanted to regain his position as Alpha, Aaron knew he wouldn’t have been able to fight the other man. He wouldn’t have wanted to. His smile was a bit more genuine as he countered, “When they accept you back.”
“I never took you for such an optimist,” Gideon replied dryly.
Chuckling, Aaron told him, “Things change. So. You hungry? I’ll go pick up some groceries and we can have a real breakfast.”
Gideon smiled at him and agreed, “Sounds good, but I’ll go. I’m dressed and Spencer probably needs someone to talk to right about now.”
Aaron stood as Gideon did, pointing out, “You’ll have to be alone with him at some point.”
“Not before he’s ready,” Gideon countered. Then he reached for Hotch, taking his hand and asking, “What about you?”
Are you ready? being the unspoken question.
The warm, solid contact of Gideon’s hand in his sent a shiver through Aaron that made him want to bare his neck and show his belly. Licking at suddenly dry lips, he whispered with some surprise, “I guess so.”
Gideon leaned in while drawing Aaron close, sliding an arm around his waist as their lips touched for the first time in months, almost a year. It was a slow, deep kiss that stole his breath, their tongues sliding together and need coiling hot and tight in his gut. Gideon had lost weight on his hermitage; lost weight and replaced it with muscle, Hotch’s wandering hands discovered. By the time Gideon broke off the kiss, Aaron wanted to do a lot more than just show his belly to the man who would always be his Alpha.
Resting his forehead against Aaron’s, Gideon whispered back, “Thank you.”
It could have been gratitude for any number of things, but Aaron just nodded and hoped it didn’t take Spencer too long to make up his mind. Though what Aaron would do if the younger man didn’t take Gideon back, he had no idea.
* * * *
Glaring at his reflection in the mirror, Spencer drove a brush ruthlessly through his hair, ignoring the knots and tangles and welcoming the sparks of pain. He also ignored Hotch’s presence at the bathroom door behind him, continuing to get ready for the day.
“That was a big deal for him, you know,” Hotch told him.
The tone was neutral, but he felt the words as damning him anyhow. Meeting the other man’s dark gaze in the mirror, Spencer snapped, “Don’t tell me how to feel!”
Hotch walked up behind him, gripping him by the shoulders and replying, “I’m not. I just want to make sure that you know he’s doing the best he can.”
The anger abruptly left and Spencer wilted back against him with a sigh. “I know. I just…I can’t accept him back. Not yet.”
Strong hands massaged the tension from his shoulders as Hotch agreed, “And that’s fine. This is going to take time for everyone.”
“Not for you,” Spencer countered bitterly, smelling the mix of their scents on his lover.
Hotch’s hands didn’t stop. He kissed the back of Spencer’s neck and told him, “I’ve got a little more experience at the relationship thing than you do. I’m a bit more versed in the give and take.”
Turning, Spencer met his lover’s gaze and asked, “Do you really think that’s what this is?”
Hotch seemed to think for a minute before answering slowly, “I think that you’re too hurt to just take his words at face value. I also think that you aren’t sure how to act in this kind of situation, because you’ve never been in it.”
Spencer challenged, “And you have?”
Dry, Hotch confirmed, “Usually in Gideon’s position, yes. Remember how upset Haley was with me? How often it happened?”
Spencer nodded reluctantly. It had been hard for him to turn a blind eye to the constant tension in Hotch regarding Haley. The others hadn’t seemed to have a difficult time with that, but he’d always wanted to take the woman aside and explain to her exactly what Hotch faced, time and again. He hadn’t, of course, but only out of respect for Hotch’s privacy.
“Now you understand a little of what Haley went through,” Hotch continued. He pulled Spencer in close and held him tight, kissing just under his ear. “Everything caught up to Gideon. We’re lucky he didn’t have another breakdown. Very lucky that he recognized his limits and retreated before we lost him altogether.”
Something that Spencer hadn’t thought of, guilt running through him at the mild admonishment. “Hotch, I…”
“It’s okay, Spencer. You don’t have to feel anything except what you feel. I’m not trying to guilt you into anything, just to make sure that you have all the facts and consider all sides.”
Spencer sighed and wrapped his arms around Hotch’s waist as he asked, “What now?”
Hotch pulled back a bit and smiled at him. “Now we go see Dr. Radnoy for your follow-up and then we come back home to rest.”
“Hotch, I’m fine,” Spencer protested.
But the other man shook his head and told him firmly, “We’re going. You had a close call and I want to double check everything’s all right.”
Knowing that stubborn glint to his lover’s eyes, Spencer made a face but nodded, accepting. “I’ll finish getting ready. Where’d Gideon go?”
“To get breakfast. Think you can have a meal with him?”
The question was honest and Spencer answered, “Not without getting an upset stomach.”
“Then I’ll bring you something to eat up here,” Hotch promised, kissing his forehead.
Spencer sighed. “It feels like I’m hiding from him.”
Hotch shrugged as he replied, “He’s not going to hold it against you for not taking him back right away. No one will.”
Uncertain, Spencer prompted, “Not even you?”
“Oh, Spencer,” Hotch sighed. “Of course not. I love you and whatever you need, I’ll give it to you.”
Feeling off-balance and a little scared for no reason at all, Spencer whispered, “Can we just stop and lie down together for a while?”
Hotch immediately pulled Spencer in for another hug, repeating softly, “Whatever you need.”
* * * *
Breakfast didn’t turn out anything like Gideon had hoped. When he got back with groceries, the downstairs echoed with silence so he hesitantly went in search of Spencer and Hotch. He found them stretched out in bed together, Spencer burrowed against Hotch and sound asleep again.
Hotch met his gaze and said softly, “Things caught up to him. We’ll grab something on the way to the doctor’s office.”
Nodding, Gideon replied, “I’ll head into the office to get paperwork started.”
“Gideon, stay away from Rossi,” Hotch warned seriously.
Gideon offered a brief, wolfish smile as he evaded, “I won’t go looking for him,” and left before the other man could pin him down about it.
Leaving the house, he called Morgan first on his cell.
“Gideon?” Morgan demanded, voice filled with shock.
Gideon grinned to himself and unlocked the car door. “It’s me.”
“Where are you?”
“Here. I’m back.”
Silence met his flat statement and lasted a good ten seconds. Morgan at last asked, “Have you seen…”
“Where’s Rossi?” Gideon interrupted.
Satisfaction rife in his voice, Morgan told him, “Chegwidden has him.”
Not surprised, Gideon said, “Good. How is Garcia? I heard…Hotch told me about the shooting.”
“She’s doing great,” Morgan replied warmly, the subject change softening his voice. “Fully recovered physically and only the occasional nightmare.”
Gideon started the engine and smiled into the phone. “I’m glad. And, Kevin is it? You’ve got a third now?”
Morgan chuckled as he confirmed, “We do. Though really, the way they run me ragged, I think I’m the third sometimes.”
“That’s really good, Morgan,” Gideon replied, backing the car down the driveway. “I’m heading into the office to get some paperwork done. What will I find?”
Morgan’s breath huffed over the phone line and he answered, “Strauss is on the warpath, nothing new there. Maintenance is cleaning up the main office still, so we’re on the first floor in the D suite.”
“Still cleaning up? Exactly what happened?”
Morgan paused and then said, “I thought they told you what happened? Hotch must’ve downplayed it, damn it. Gideon, Hotch was going to kill Rossi. They were going to kill each other and destroyed the office in the process. I had to turn the fire hose on them full blast to separate them.”
Gideon could imagine just what two battling Alphas would do to their surroundings, he just hadn’t thought it had been a full-out fight for supremacy. He made a mental note to check Hotch over more thoroughly the next time they had some time alone. He’d smelled the faint after-trace of blood, but had assumed it to come from Spencer.
The urge to find and damage Rossi grew.
“I’ll find you when I get in,” Gideon finally answered. “Is everyone else there?”
“Garcia was a little freaked by everything, so I told her to stay home. And Kevin’s with her, but everyone else is in, yeah.”
“Good. I’ll be there in a couple of hours.”
“Couple of hours?”
Gideon drove through a long yellow light and answered, “I’m going to say hello to Chegwidden.”
“Well, all right then. I’ll see you when you get in,” Morgan replied, voice again rich with satisfaction before hanging up.
Concentrating on not speeding so he didn’t cause an accident or get pulled over, Gideon hit Chegwidden’s speed-dial on his phone.
“Admiral Chegwidden’s office, Yeoman Tiner speaking.”
“Dr. Jason Gideon for the Admiral please.”
There was a pause and then a startled, “Yes, sir! Of course, one moment, please!”
There was no hold music, just a couple of beeps to let him know that the connection hadn’t been lost. It was a good two or three minutes later before Chegwidden’s stern voice demanded, “Gideon, what in hell are you playing at?”
“Nothing,” Gideon answered shortly. “I am on my way to JAG, although if Rossi is being held somewhere else, I’d appreciate knowing where.”
Chegwidden sighed, an aggravated noise, and retorted, “So you can tear him to pieces? I don’t think so. I’m surprised Hotchner called you. Didn’t strike me as the type to run to Daddy.”
“He didn’t. I came back to find all of this going on,” Gideon corrected sharply.
“Well, you’re not going to see Rossi by coming to JAG, I’ve already released him.”
“After not even a day?”
“It’s been two and that’s not your damn call now, is it?” Chegwidden growled.
Actually growled, telling Gideon he was on thin ice. He took a breath and said, “I’m sorry. I’m…this is…difficult, coming into things like this.”
Another brief silence before Chegwidden advised, “Take a breath and put your people together before tearing into Rossi. And don’t forget he had reasons for doing what he did, too. If Hotch can’t hold the pack together, someone else should.”
Gideon bristled at that, but bit his tongue. He’d been gone too long just to blunder into things. He at last just said, “I will.”
“Since you’re back, you should thank A.D. Skinner for stepping in where I couldn’t,” Chegwidden informed him. “Strauss was all set to throw Hotchner in jail for assault.”
He and Skinner had had their share of disagreements over the years, so Gideon was gratified to learn that the man had had the pack’s back. Something Gideon hadn’t ever thought would be needed, not from an internal threat, at least. “Thank you, Admiral. That’s good to know.”
“Come by when things have settled.”
“I will.”
Gideon tossed his cell phone on the passenger’s seat and changed direction for the BAU.
* * * *
The doctor’s visit went better than Aaron expected. Spencer was proclaimed physically fit, though admonished to keep a low stress level, given his still-high blood pressure. And then the tables were turned when Spencer insisted that the doctor look him over as well. Since it would make Spencer feel better, and knowing his own injuries were well on the way to healing, he gave in without too much of a fuss.
As expected, he got a mostly clean bill of health. The doctor warned him away from strenuous activities for another couple of days, but otherwise proclaimed him fit for duty. Aaron blessed their fast healing nature for that and thanked the doctor for seeing them on such short notice.
They stopped for lunch on the way home. Aaron figured it would be easier on Spencer to eat somewhere there was no emotional turmoil. He’d barely touched the fruit salad at breakfast, so Aaron was keeping an eye on him to make sure he didn’t have trouble by not eating enough. They’d run into that before and Aaron had no intention of doing so again.
“What do you think he’s going to do? If, if I can’t take him back, I mean. What will you do? Honestly, Aaron, please.”
The words were quiet, but not uncertain. Sighing, Aaron took a sip of his water while trying to arrange his thoughts. If Spencer couldn’t accept Jason back, then he was screwed. He loved them both and knew them well enough to know that they wouldn’t share, though for different reasons. If Spencer rejected Jason, then he would see the younger man as a rival and become very possessive of Aaron. On the other side of the coin, Spencer would see Aaron’s continued bond to Jason as a betrayal, that Aaron didn’t love him enough to be with just him.
“I don’t know,” Aaron finally said. “I…if you refuse him, Jason will go back to teaching as he said he would and pick up the pieces of the life he left behind. He’s already secured a position as an instructor at Quantico. And I’ll…I will have to choose. Jason won’t tolerate you as a rival and apparently, you won’t tolerate him period.”
Spencer’s eyes were filled with guilt as he said, “And so you’re caught in the middle again. Sometimes…sometimes I wish Jason hadn’t brought you into this so that you wouldn’t be hurting now.”
Swallowing against a tight throat, Aaron observed carefully, “It sounds like you’ve already made your decision.”
Really, Spencer’s expression was answer enough, but the younger man nodded and said, “I can’t do it. Not now, maybe not ever. I just…it hurt too much. I can’t risk that again. He took so much from me when he left like that.”
Aaron’s eyes closed in pain and he tried not to think of how his life was crashing down around him.
“Aaron, please…don’t leave me too,” Spencer whispered, taking his hand.
Letting out a long, slow breath, Aaron opened his eyes again to find Spencer’s gaze openly pleading. He looked so young, so vulnerable and held so much love for him. He would never leave, Aaron knew that, and loved him deeply, but Spencer also didn’t offer the strong, vital support that Jason did. With Jason, he didn’t have to be strong, didn’t have to be in charge, though he could be, if he wanted. Jason was flexible, though a natural alpha. He was whatever Aaron needed him to be.
It occurred to him just then that Rossi didn’t need to do a single thing to tear apart the pack. Jason had done a damn fine job of it just by coming back.