‘cause you can’t jump the track, we’re like cars on a cable,
and life’s like an hourglass glued to the table.
no one can find the rewind button, boys,
so cradle your head in your hand,
and breathe, just breathe.
oh breathe, just breathe.
---
Breathe (
He’d seen eyes like that once before. He’d seen eyes that wild and brash and blue, if a lighter shade. He’d seen them smile and seen them frantic and seen them hurting so bad it seemed like nothing would stop the pain. He’d seen eyes like that filled with guilt and filled with duty.
He’d seen eyes just like these and it made him ache.
Dom sat in the corner of the
room filled with too-loud music and too-young kids looking for a way to make
life just a little more dangerous. He watched them dance and make-out, nursing
a
Han. A different kind of ache
ran through Dom as he thought of the kid who’d wormed his way into Dom’s heart
shortly after Brian had accidentally torn it to pieces. The chip on Dom’s
shoulder had been massive two years ago, fresh from
“Hey, man. You okay?”
Glancing over at Sean, Dom half-smiled and answered, “Fine. Enjoying the brew. How’s the car?”
Sean snorted. “Gonna be a couple weeks getting her back into shape, thanks. Do you know I raced the worst course around without hardly a scratch, ‘cept what DK did to her, and then you show up and I get almost totaled. Good thing I wasn’t driving my Dad’s car, ‘cause he’d’ve killed me.”
“No, it’s a good thing I’m not here for your title,” Dom commented, flashing a shark’s grin at him.
As unflappable as Brian could be, Sean just shrugged and answered, “It’s yours if you want it, man. I got what makes me happy.”
For how long? Dom wondered, taking another small drink of the beer. He knew this kid, sure as he knew Brian O’Connor. Neither of them were the settling down type, though Dom suspected Brian was closer to it than Sean, on account of his longer years. Dom snorted to himself and thought, Not that many more years. You always did have a thing for robbing the cradle.
Eyeing the girl who rested so comfortably against Sean, Dom wanted to warn her. He wanted to tell her not to fall for the blue eyes or the charm, but knew it was too late. Sean’s voice was even deadlier than Brian’s, with that southern twang sliding under the skin and those ‘aw shucks,’ manners.
“So where you headin’ once you rest up?” Sean asked eagerly.
Dom’s lips almost twitched into
another grin, but he restrained it with the ease of long practice. “Thought I’d check out
Sean’s eyes widened. “You’ve been to all the other continents?”
The grin almost broke through at that, but Dom banished it as best he could while nodding and answering, “Raced just about everywhere.”
“You ever going back to the states?”
Dom drank down the rest of his beer at that question and stood. “I’m headin’ to my hotel.”
Looking startled at the abrupt shift, Sean recovered quick and said, “We got spots here if you…”
“I’ve got a bed that my feet ain’t going to hang off, why would I want to bunk here?” Dom interrupted.
There were too many memories at the garage, anyhow. A dark-eyed ghost would haunt his sleep if he stayed in the familiar surroundings.
“I’ll drive you,” Sean offered.
Dom snorted. “In what?”
Sean looked crestfallen as he remembered his smashed car. “Right. Well, see you tomorrow then?”
Nodding to the girl and Sean,
he made his way through the crowd to the exit. Even though he had the car, Dom
decided to walk to his hotel. Even at the late hour,
A fierce wave of homesickness hit and Dom actually stopped walking, hand to his stomach. Everywhere he looked were unfamiliar faces, too many of them too close, despite the space people automatically gave him. He ached for the sight of blond hair bright in the sun, for pale skin shining with sweat, and for the familiar smells that said ‘home’ to him, deep in his bones. Sometimes it was hard to breathe, no matter where he was, and Dom had to actively tell himself to do so.
“Hey, Dom, you okay?”
Whirling instinctively at the hand that touched his shoulder, Dom’s hand gripped Sean by the throat and squeezed before his brain caught up. Blue eyes widened, a hint of fear surfacing as Sean’s fingers grabbed at the hand around his throat. Taking his hand away, the pounding of his heart only aggravating the churn of his stomach, Dom growled, “Get the fuck away from me,” and stalked in the direction of his hotel.
Fear. He’d definitely seen fear in blue eyes before and it made him sick to remember that Brian, too, had thought him capable of real violence.
Thought? that inner voice masquerading as a conscience scoffed. O’Connor
knows what you’re capable of, remember?
When he got back to the hotel,
he was surprised to find Sean’s reflection in the crystal clear glass doors
just before the doorman opened them for him. He stopped just outside the doors,
knowing that he shouldn’t do what he was thinking of doing. He shouldn’t use
this kid, shouldn’t even think of using him as a substitute for Brian. Or Han, for that matter. He hadn’t come to
Knowing he was going to regret it, Dom turned and found Sean standing uncertainly a good ten paces away. He sighed and demanded gruffly, “What’re you waiting for, a written invitation?” and turned back to the hotel, striding inside without waiting for an answer. The kid would follow, or not. It didn’t make much difference to Dom.
Sean jumped into the elevator just as the doors were closing, but Dom didn’t acknowledge him. He stared at their slightly distorted reflections and knew that he wasn’t really seeing Sean at all. He imagined blond hair and a slighter frame of lanky muscle as well as paler eyes. He wouldn’t do anything the kid didn’t want, he wasn’t that kind of man, but he wasn’t going to let the age difference stop him either. Maybe this was something Sean needed as well, proving something to himself or exorcizing demons of his own. There was no way for Dom to know and he sure as hell wasn’t going to ask.
Dom led the way to his room, unlocking it with a keycard and letting Sean close it, though he kept an automatic ear open to make sure it locked. Using a false name and passport didn’t mean people wouldn’t recognize him, though the LA’s Most Wanted didn’t have the same kind of punch the FBI’s list did.
Going to the mini-fridge, Dom pulled out a couple of regular sized beers and tossed one to Sean without really looking. It didn’t smash open on the floor, which meant the kid had caught it, and Dom opened his without really thinking about it. He walked to the large window and looked out at the glittering city below. It was, and wasn’t, a lot like LA. There wasn’t the same sense of sprawl and it felt…denser…somehow.
Sean came up behind him, but wisely didn’t touch him without warning again. Instead, he asked, “Someone said you did time back in the States?”
Dom nodded. “
If the announcement threw Sean, the kid didn’t show it; at least not so that Dom saw it in the window’s reflection. Dom had to give him credit for guts, if not brains, and that reminded him of Brian, too. His jaw tightened at the reminder and he took a long draught from the bottle, half-emptying it.
Jesus Christ, why did I come
here?
It wasn’t half as important as…
Why the fuck did I let him
into my hotel room?
Because Dom was about two seconds from either putting his fist through Sean’s face, or shoving him onto the bed and he wasn’t all that sure which would be worse for him.
“I didn’t get a chance to tell Han how much he’d…how important…he was,” Sean began, stumbling over the words. “I thought, there was time, you know? I thought, worst that would happen was I’d get my ass kicked by DK for makin’ time with Nila and Han would be there to put me back together. I just…I thought there’d be, you know, time.”
Dom’s eyes closed as his own pain and loss at Han’s death echoed back at him in Sean’s low, shaking voice. Everywhere he went, people died. People he loved. Friends. It didn’t matter whether he was there when it happened or not, it just seemed like he was cursed. Clearing his throat, Dom’s eyes opened and he met Sean’s gaze in the window as he stated, “You and me ain’t ever gonna be friends, you understand that?”
Sean swallowed, but nodded. He set the bottle on the narrow windowsill and told Dom, “I don’t want to be friends. I want…I just want…”
Dom took the burden of decision from the kid, knowing how to soothe this particular hurt. Alcohol would help, but they didn’t have that kind of time. Instead, he turned and pulled the smaller man to him, taking his mouth in a crushing kiss. He knew how to bury pain of the heart with pain of the body, but didn’t want to do that with this kid. He’d been through hell and back, but come out standing and that cut right through Dom’s heart, the very image of Brian.
He did actually push Sean onto the bed, shoving hard enough that Sean bounced a couple of times. Surprised blue eyes looked up at him without any fear, but plenty of want, which was more than enough for Dom. He yanked his shirt up and off, Sean clumsily echoing the move. Grinning, Dom climbed onto the bed and pushed him down flat, ordering, “You don’t move, get me?”
Another visible swallow and Sean nodded again, but still didn’t beg mercy.
Dom unzipped the kid’s pants and pulled them down, along with the briefs. He snorted in amusement at the spotted underwear and tossed the clothing aside. Looking up at Sean, he guessed, “From your girlfriend?”
Sean grimaced, as if he didn’t want to be reminded of her, but nodded.
“You know this counts as cheating, right?” Dom pressed. Nothing like being fully informed, even if it did mean he wound up jerking off in the shower.
“I know,” Sean agreed. “I just…you remind me of Han.”
Dom’s eyebrows rose in surprise, which didn’t happen often. He considered it a compliment, no doubt, but he just couldn’t see it. At least he wasn’t the only one using someone in this one-night stand. “You remind me of someone else, too.”
Sean half-smiled, looking like he understood, and then asked, “You going to do something, now I’m naked, or not?”
“Pushy,” Dom growled, but went back to what he was doing.
From Sean’s gasping groan, it didn’t seem like the kid’d had many blowjobs. Dom smirked a little around his mouthful and added tongue to the suction. Sean thrust to get deeper, but Dom was ready with an arm over the kid’s hips, holding him down. Figuring he’d be quick off the trigger from the ready way the cock started leaking, Dom gripped the base of Sean’s dick and squeezed hard enough for the kid to yelp in pain.
“What the hell?” Sean demanded, pushing onto his elbows.
Dom grinned and stood up, shucking his own pants as he rumbled, “Didn’t want you leaving me behind.”
Sean’s eyes were glued to Dom’s dick.
The smirk returned as Dom prompted, “Sure you wanna do this, kid?”
Dragging his gaze up to Dom’s face, Sean nodded firmly. “Definitely.”
Head tilted to the side, Dom studied the determined blue eyes and wished they were just a bit paler. He shook that thought away and walked to the bathroom to find something slick they could use. He found massage oil and returned to find Sean stretched out on his stomach, reaching for his pants on the floor. The sight of his taut ass sent a pang of pure lust through Dom and he strangled his own dick painfully tight to bring it under control.
Sean rolled over, waving a couple of condoms at him. “Gotta use these.”
“Damn straight we do,” Dom confirmed.
When they were both back on the bed, Sean finally showed a little nervousness in not knowing where to look or put his hands. Dom forced himself not to smile, knowing it would be taken the wrong way, and arranged the kid on his back, putting the pillows under his hips to raise them up. Sean opened his mouth as thought to speak, then closed it again without a word.
Taking pity on him, Dom ordered, “Close your eyes, Sean.”
Sean gave him a suspicious look, but did so after a few seconds.
“You have permission to think about whoever you want to think about throughout the whole thing,” Dom told him softly. “Breathe. Just breathe slow and easy. Picture who you want to be here and breathe.”
And that was the last thing he said, knowing how easy it was to dislodge a fantasy once it got going. He went slow and gentle, surprised to find that he only thought of Brian a few times as he prepared Sean. Maybe it was because the kid’s eyes were closed and he couldn’t see how blue they were. Maybe it was because he wasn’t a complete asshole. Maybe he was finally getting over Brian. Maybe he’d just been losing his mind and could now hold on to the first piece of sanity he’d had in a long time.
He concentrated on the smooth, pale body under his, touching it in all the ways he knew to arouse. When the time came, he entered Sean slow and careful, watching intently as the kid gasped and panted, hands clenching tight as tears escaped the corners of tightly closed eyes. When he’d gone from wanting to use, to wanting to give, Dom didn’t know but somehow, between inviting Sean into the hotel and starting to fuck him, it had happened. It seemed right, somehow, giving the kid a chance to say goodbye to a love that obviously hadn’t had a chance to get very far.
Moving in long strokes, Dom fucked him with ever increasing speed and depth. Sean cried out several times as Dom nailed his prostate, fingers digging into Dom’s arms where they held with bruising force. He was stronger than he looked, Dom discovered as Sean’s legs held tight around the back of his thighs. Going up on one hand, knowing he was too close, Dom gripped Sean’s cock and started stroking hard and fast.
Sean jerked violently and came, shouting, “Oh God, Han!” as he spilled between them.
Dom bit his lip bloody to keep silent as he came, driving down deep into Sean and coming into the condom. Breathing harshly, he lowered himself down and rolled them to their sides. He was surprised when Sean wrapped arms as well as legs around him and clung tight, crying in loud, heartrending sobs. Dom sighed and held him, combing fingers through the short hair.
Sean cried himself to sleep. Dom was glad the kid had found a release for the grief that had clearly been dogging him, but that pretty much guaranteed he wouldn’t be sleeping that night. There was only one person he could picture sharing a bed with and actually falling asleep and, as good a man as Sean was growing into, he wasn’t it.
Dom shifted onto his back, bringing Sean with him, and put an arm behind his head, staring up at the ceiling.
* * * *
Sean woke sore and tired and with a stuffy head that always came from crying. Embarrassment hit him hard about breaking down in front of the other man. Pushing his face into the pillow, hoping to put off what he knew couldn’t be put off for long, Sean waited. Even in as big a room as this, there were only a number of places Dom could be without being in the bed.
When the toilet didn’t flush, nor the shower turn on, Sean finally frowned and pushed onto his elbows. Looking around the empty room, he called, “Dom? You here, man?”
No answer.
Sitting upright involved cursing and pain, but he managed it and blinked in surprise at the keys sitting on the nightstand table. They rested on a note and he tugged the slip of paper out from under to read it.
Sean,
The car’s yours because
that’s what Han would want.
If you scratch it, I’ll kill
you.
Dom
PS – we’re still not
friends, but if you need anything, call. 310-555-4301
Astonished, Sean picked up the keys to the muscle car he’d not so secretly drooled over and a slow grin surfaced over his face as he thought, I wonder if it gets over 180k’s?
He hopped out of bed barely feeling the sore ass and headed for the shower, eager to find out.