John had never felt like such scum in his entire life. Not once had he ever considered, not even fleetingly, that Derek might have feelings for his future self. The way his mother had presented the situation had just been a one-night stand, but now he remembered her phrasing…as you are now…no attraction to you at this age …She’d been very specific in her wording so as not to lie to him and he’d been too stupid, too self-absorbed to notice the difference.
He wanted to go after Derek but
instead turned back towards home. The sight of his uncle’s face remained etched
into his mind; the stricken expression, how vulnerable, almost haunted, the
older man had looked. Punishing himself by going into a fast-pace run the
entire distance home, John silently berated himself, You cold-hearted
bastard, how could you do something like that to him?
John didn’t know if he was pissed at himself now, in the future, or both.
Definitely both, he decided.
By the time he reached the house, John’s side felt like it was on fire and he could barely breathe, but he forced himself to walk in circles to cool down. He had no idea how to deal with the knowledge that he’d somehow, just in one night, caused Derek to fall in love with him. Had the other man been so lonely that he’d just latched onto John in an otherwise uncertain and violent world? Had he just been looking for any connection that anyone would be able to fulfill, or had he already had feelings and John’s future self had taken complete advantage of them?
“John? Everything okay?”
Startled by his mother’s question, John looked at her blankly for a moment and then managed to say, “Fine, just a cramp.”
“Where’s Derek?” she asked, scanning the street.
Starting to stretch so he didn’t have to look at her, John lied truthfully, “He decided to keep running.”
“All right, well, grab a shower and get some breakfast. You’ve got research to do.”
John nodded and kept stretching until she’d gone back inside.
He was on autopilot as he took a shower and got ready for the day. The bad news was that they were out of school until next week, thanks to what Derek had told the school. He couldn’t avoid his uncle by leaving. The really bad news was that he’d never successfully lied to his mother about anything of significance, so she would probably pick up on things pretty damn fast.
Why did you do it? John
silently yelled at himself. Why? You knew it was better to let things stay
as they were! Why didn’t you think about Derek’s feelings instead of thinking
with your friggin’ hormones?
But John knew why. He’d gone over the arguments pro and con, thinking about it in fits and starts as he’d obsessively tried to figure out why his future self had had sex with Derek…
Argument A: It’s already happened, so why not?
Argument B: He’s your Uncle!
Argument C: He’s got to be really horny by now, he never goes out, so it’ll clear his mind!
Argument D: He’s your Uncle!
Argument E: We’re both healthy guys and we need sex! I haven’t even had sex yet, so that’s even more reason we both need it!
Argument F: Dude! He’s your Uncle!
Most of the time he’d been thinking about other things with the situation only pinging on his radar at night, in bed, as he jerked off more and more to just Derek in his mind. In the end, of course, the arguments hadn’t mattered. He’d been scared shitless in the jeep when he’d seen Derek about to pass out from blood loss and that fear had stayed with him ever since. John had lost too many people he’d loved and the thought of losing Derek had sliced through him unexpectedly sharp.
When he’d seen Derek looking at him with that concern on his face on the path… Not just concern, but pride for some reason and a healthy dose of aggravation, probably from how bitchy John had been, well, he hadn’t been able to stop himself. The argument of Derek being his uncle hadn’t meant much at that point. All he’d been able to think of was that the other man was alive and in one piece and God, John had really just wanted to lick the sweat off Derek’s throat. He sure as hell hadn’t thought about how the other man might react.
You should’ve thought, John
groaned silently to himself. How many times has Mom drilled that into your
head? Think first!
Breakfast was a silent affair, oddly off-balanced without Derek present. John kept his head down and shoveled his food as fast as he could. A car door slammed shut out front and he jerked in surprise, looking at his mother. She calmly stood and took a gun from the hutch on her way to the front door, but then tucked it into the back of her pants as she opened the door.
“Derek? What happened?”
John hopped to his feet and rushed over to find Derek leaning on some guy as they walked up to the porch. He stopped short as he took in the sweats that hid long legs, the damp t-shirt stretched tight over a broad chest, and the classically handsome features.
Derek gave her a crooked grin and said, “The trail kicked my ass is what happened.”
“No, he did great until that tree root up and tripped him,” the stranger joked, smiling. “I saw the whole thing.”
John’s stomach tightened at the easy way the two men interacted.
Sarah put an arm under Derek’s shoulder and helped him the rest of the way to the porch.
“Don’t forget my number,” the man called.
John felt like hitting something when Derek actually grinned at the loser and replied, “Perfect memory, don’t worry. I’ll talk to you later, Jared.”
Jared? Who the hell is named Jared? John thought, glaring at the guy.
She chuckled and asked as they went inside, “Collecting phone numbers, now?”
“You don’t approve?” Derek countered.
She smiled and helped him sit on the chair at the kitchen table. “I didn’t say that. It’s good for you to meet people.”
Your own age, John heard her carefully not say. He stalked out of the kitchen with, “I have work to do.”
John heard his mother sigh, but
she didn’t stop him, which was all he cared about. Closing his door, he brought
the laptop to his bed and started gathering intel about
He deliberately didn’t think about what had just happened or his reaction to it.
* * * *
The next few days were a form of torture as Derek kept John at a noticeable distance. Gone was the easy camaraderie they’d shared from the start, joined by purpose and blood. John hadn’t realized just how much he would miss being able to do ‘guy stuff’ with Derek, nor how fast he’d come to rely on the older man to help balance out the household.
Derek was there during the day, but he disappeared as soon as it got dark.
With Jared and his stupid, perfect smile.
John stayed in his room most of
the time, coming out only for dinner. He left for runs on his own at
“What is your problem?”
John ignored his mother’s question and kept typing.
“You are part of this family and you’re going to join us again. Starting now. Bring that with you if you have to, but get your ass in the living room.”
Finally looking at her, John protested, “I can’t concentrate with all of you…”
“Bullshit,” she interrupted. “Now, John.”
John grumbled under his breath, positive something was up, but collected his laptop and followed her into the living room. Turned out he was right to be wary, because not only was Derek there, but so was Jared. Ambush. It had been almost a week since the man had suddenly appeared and John checked the urge to make sure he was really human by cutting into him.
Jared stood and held out a hand. “It’s good to finally meet you, John. Derek’s told me all about you.”
John opened his mouth to say something snide, but was caught in the crossfire of his mother’s warning look and Derek’s apprehensive expression. Instead, he smiled thinly and took the hand. “Yeah. Same here.”
Thank God I have school
tomorrow, he thought, sitting on the floor as far from them all as he
could. Since when do we invite strangers over?
He did his best to ignore their conversation, and them, by putting on headphones and staring only at his screen. John couldn’t filter out the low rumble of Derek’s voice, though, nor its relaxed quality. Every so often, he would sneak a look at Jared and Derek. He had to admit, if only to himself, that the pinched look which had haunted his uncle since he’d exploded into their lives was a little harder to spot. Derek still looked pretty ragged around the edges, still scruffy and a little too worn, but there was something…more to him. Maybe even…hope?
John swallowed heavily as he wondered just how many people Derek had actually allowed himself to care for in his life. From what he’d figured out, and from what the other man had let slip, it seemed to be just Kyle and John’s future self. Who the hell was he to deny what might be Derek’s only chance at a normal life? Or at least part of one, since he seriously doubted that Jared would get the full “soldier from the future” story.
When Jared stood to leave, Derek walked him to the door and then outside. John pulled off his headphones and followed, peering out the window to watch as the two men, both around the same size, stopped at the car parked at the curb. Something deep inside simultaneously twisted and relaxed when Jared brushed a hand over Derek’s cheek and then leaned in for a lingering kiss.
John turned and made a face at his
mother on the way to his room. “Fine. But I’m not
picking out
She rolled her eyes at him and retorted, “Just make an effort, okay?”
John nodded and continued on to his bedroom.
* * * *
It wasn’t difficult to do research on Jared Gregson. He was a chef at a local restaurant that got consistently good reviews thanks to his original menu. He paid his taxes, had two outstanding parking tickets and one speeding ticket, and one citation for civil disobedience at some eco-rally the year before. Other than that, he was clean as a whistle. He volunteered as a youth counselor in the summers and tutored during the winter. His parents were still married and he had two sisters, both also married with kids. It was apparently one, big, happy, extended family.
There was absolutely nothing to hate or be suspicious of in Jared.
“Fuck,” John muttered succinctly.
Flopping back on his bed, John stared up at his ceiling.
“Why are you researching Jared when Derek already has?” Cameron asked.
John pushed onto his elbows and looked at her. Of course Derek had already checked him out; just because he was attracted to, and probably fucking the man by now, didn’t make him stupid. Sighing, John sat the rest of the way up and answered, “Just double checking.”
She sat on the bed beside him and said, “Morris wants to double date with us. Why would we date if we’re supposed to be siblings?”
That made John grin as he explained, “No, he wants to date you and then I would bring a girl as my date.”
“I see,” she said. “Who will you bring?”
John thought about Cheri and said, “I don’t know. Probably no one. Maybe I’ll just chaperone to make sure Morris stays in one piece.”
Her eyebrow went up. “I have no intention of breaking Morris.”
“Yeah well, what you intend and what actually happens can sometimes be two very different things,” John told her.
And then he realized that that applied to others as well. Blinking in surprise, he jumped to his feet and snagged his jacket before running out of the house.
“Where are you going?” his mother yelled. “School night!”
He shouted back, “Gotta do something! Be back in an hour!” and ran out of the house.
John grabbed his bike and pedaled furiously for Jared’s restaurant. Since he worked most nights, chances were he’d be at the restaurant; especially since Jared had no plans to go out that he knew of. He was sweating buckets and panting by the time he got there, but he made it. Locking his bike up, John wiped his forehead with his shirt and walked around the back of the building. He waited for the door to open when a guy brought out the trash and then slipped inside.
It didn’t take long to find Jared in the kitchen, laughing and talking with his coworkers. John took a few minutes just to watch him interact and then stepped forward to catch his attention.
Jared frowned on seeing him and said something to the woman next to him before walking over to John. Wiping his hands on a dishcloth, he greeted, “John. Something wrong?”
“I’m not a ‘phobe,” John blurted. Jared stiffened, but John continued, “I have no problem that my uncle’s seeing a man, okay? It’s just…he got hurt real bad by an asshole last time and I don’t want that to happen again.”
Jared softened visibly and he said, “I’m not going to hurt him, John.”
“You will,” John countered. “You won’t mean to, but you will.”
Sighing, Jared replied, “It’s your uncle’s life, John. If he wants to take the risk, then that’s his right.”
John wanted to tell the man that it wasn’t just Derek’s life, but couldn’t without sounding like a lunatic. And he didn’t really mean that anyhow. No, what he really wanted to say was that Derek was too good for Jared and that he was already spoken for. But since he wasn’t his future self yet, it wasn’t like he could lay any kind of claim on his uncle; Derek had made that really damn clear.
Instead, he looked into the man’s eyes and said in all seriousness, “Derek is more important to me than you can ever understand. If you hurt him, you will regret it.”
Jared swallowed nervously, which should have been funny considering he was almost fifteen years John’s senior, but really, it was only prudent. John nodded, glad he understood the threat, if not the reason behind it, and left.