The lab was quieter than usual, which was why Gil didn’t feel at all guilty for not concentrating on work. The last forty-eight hours had been…he couldn’t even figure out how he felt, if he was being honest. When Catherine had brought him the flyer, Gil had immediately known in his gut that Blair was his son. He would go through the formality of a DNA test, but it was surreal to find parts of yourself and your mother staring back at you from a flyer.

He’d spent the last month finding out everything he could about his son and been both horrified and proud of what he’d discovered. There was little about Blair’s history growing up, aside from his acceptance into the university at age sixteen. Nothing of where he’d been as a child or with whom he’d stayed, other than the few references made in interviews about Naomi and her ‘flower power’ attitude. And after that it was, of course, all through the eyes of the media and secondhand sources, so Gil knew better than to take it all as gospel. Probably half of what had been reported, was false.

What he did know for sure, however, was Blair’s history as a cop. He’d gone through an abbreviated version of the academy due to his ride-along status with the Major Crimes division of Cascade PD. There were commendations right alongside injury reports and reprimands for ‘civil disobedience’ from his work with the community. A few discrete calls from Jim Brass had found a sterling reputation with the cops, despite his openly romantic entanglement with his partner, Ellison.

Even with all that information, though, Gil felt as though he’d only gotten perhaps a quarter of the story. There was something about Blair’s gaze, a quiet peace and vitality that said he was far more than what he showed to the world. It was that, which Gil wanted to get to know. Did Blair have his grandmother’s penchant for humor? Her stubbornness? Gil had inherited the latter, but not the former. What did he do to relax? Was Ellison truly his life partner? Did Blair see them together thirty years from now?

There were too many questions and the source for all his answers hadn’t yet called about taking even the first step of confirming the blood relationship.

“Hey. How’d it go?”

Gil looked over at Catherine’s question and motioned her into the office. When she shut the door and sat in the chair in front of his desk, he replied, “Badly. I mangled things, as I’m sure you probably would’ve given odds on me doing. But he knows me, now, and that’s the important thing.”

“Did he say why he never got in touch?” she asked gently.

Anger rose quickly to the surface and he replied, “Naomi never told him about me. Not a single thing. He had no information to go on and so no way to look for me.”

Astonishment flashed over Catherine’s face and she exclaimed, “That’s terrible! I can’t imagine…Gil, I’m so sorry. So much wasted time.”

And that summed things up entirely. Wasted time. Gil would have been there for Blair during that dissertation fiasco. He might have even been able to change things for his son, pulling strings to calm the university’s outrage. At the least, he would have been an added part of Blair’s support system. From what he’d seen of that time, the only one who’d been there for Blair was Ellison.

Shaking her head, Catherine continued, “So what’s he like?”

Gil struggled to put into words the man he’d met in person. “He’s warm and kind, those are the first words that come to mind. And energetic. My God, Catherine, you should see him go. I don’t think he stopped once yesterday. He’s brilliant, in an empathic way, seems to know exactly how to handle people without manipulating them. And he’s just plain brilliant. He speaks fourteen languages and five of them are dead or dying.”

“Not that you’re biased,” she teased.

Gil grinned a bit and replied, “Not at all. Trust me. When you meet him, you’ll know exactly what I’m talking about.”

“Will I meet him? What did he say?”

Gil frowned and said, “I don’t know for sure if he’ll take the paternity test, but I think he will. And as for what he said…not much. He was in too much shock, I think, me coming out of the blue like that. I should have waited. It was bad timing on my part. He’s worked so hard on the symposium and now he’s got this emotional bombshell to deal with.”

Catherine gave him a wry grin. “I won’t say ‘I told you so,’ but…”

Gil snorted and replied, “Yes, I know, you told me not to go. I just…couldn’t help myself. Not with him right here.”

“I can understand that,” she said, standing. “So. Have you heard from Ecklie?”

Grimacing at the unwelcome change of subject, Gil nodded. “He’s thinking about the shift change. As soon as he says no, then I’ll tell him I’ll just have to accept the offer to teach at LVU full time.”

Catherine grinned broadly and said, “Boy, do I want to be a fly on that wall when you tell him that. When are you going to tell the guys that you’re back on nights? When it’s official?”

Gil nodded as he confirmed, “That would be best. Nick’s not even back from his leave yet, so there’s no rush. Have you…has he called you?”

Smiling sadly, Catherine shook her head. “He hasn’t talked to anyone since he went home with his folks, not so far as I know anyhow. You should call him, Gil. I know he wants to hear from you.”

“No, I should give him the time he needs,” Gil replied, stomach clenching at the thought of Nick. The last time he’d seen the younger man had been in the hospital, covered in calamine lotion from the ant bites and still in shock from what had happened. He’d barely responded when Gil had sat with him, holding Nick’s hand. Banishing the painful memory, he continued, “I’m sure he’s doing well under his parents’ care.”

Catherine made a rude noise and informed him, “You already know what I think about your ‘hands off’ policy.”

Gil half-smiled as he agreed, “I do. Now. Is there anything work-related you wanted to discuss, or just the shambles of my life?”

Standing, Catherine replied cheerfully, “Nope. Just the shambles of your life. Okay then. I’m off.

He chuckled as she left and then looked at the files on his desk, the humor fading rapidly. Too much to do and he had no impetus to get it all done.

* * * *

It was around nine the following morning that Gil got a call from the front desk saying that Blair and Jim had arrived unannounced. His heart immediately beat faster as he confirmed that they were to be allowed visiting law enforcement access to the lab and that he would be there shortly to escort them. He took a few moments to breathe slowly and get his nerves under control. There wasn’t much that threw him these days, but this situation definitely did so.

They had badges by the time he got there and Gil greeted, “Good morning. It’s good to see you again.”

And then wanted to wince for sounding so vapid. There was a faint smile on Blair’s face and an open one on Jim’s as they all shook hands.

“We probably should have called first,” Blair began, “but I probably would have lost my nerve.”

Gil smiled a bit at that, relaxing some at the admission. At least he wasn’t the only one who was nervous. “Why don’t we go to my office? I’ll call Greg to come down and administer the swab test. Unless you wanted to go to another lab?”

Shaking his head, Blair said, “No, your lab’s reputation is spotless. We trust you.”

Gil relaxed a little more and motioned them into the hall leading to the elevators. He pointed out the gun lab, the DNA lag, and the extra labs for examining evidence around the circle of the main floor. It was only a few minutes before they were in his office and he picked up the phone right away, dialing Greg’s number.

“Sanders speaking.”

“Greg, I need you to bring a paternity test kit to my office.”

“O-kay. Why?”

“Because I need you to bring one down. And don’t tell anyone.”

“Sure. I’ll be down in five. Just need to finish up some evidence.”

“Thank you.”

Hanging up, Gil turned and found Blair walking along his shelves, head canted to the side as he peered into their depths. Jim sat on the sofa, one long leg crossed casually over the other and watching his partner look around. Gil almost felt like he should apologize for some of the more disturbing things bottled on the shelves, but kept silent. It was his office and had served him well over the years with the variety of sample items available.

Blair walked back into the open area and grinned at him and then at Jim. Wagging a finger at his partner, he stated, “No way can you complain about my office again ever.”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Whatever, Junior.”

Not the reaction Gil had expected, but he would take what he could get. Offering a hesitant smile, he said, “We get a lot of strange cases and I like to keep a large assortment of samples on hand to compare to.”

“Hey, I totally get that. Fetal pig might be a little over the top, but I’m guessing that’s more to scare the newbies than anything else,” Blair quipped, blue eyes dancing with humor.

Startled by his perception, Gil said, “It is, actually. We also collect, ah, samples from them on the first day.”

Blair laughed out loud at that and exclaimed, “Oh, man! Don’t even mention that to H, Jim, or there will be hell to pay down the road.”

Jim chuckled with a nod and then the door opened and Greg walked in with the DNA kit. There were actually two in his hands and he took in Blair and Jim at a glance before saying to Gil, “I thought you might want some duplication of effort to confirm correct results.”

“Thank you, Greg,” Gil replied, grateful.

Greg nodded and asked, “Who am I getting samples from?”

Gil motioned towards Blair and said, “Dr. Sandburg and myself.”

Greg paused for only a split second before nodding and setting up the kits on Gil’s desk. He was unusually quiet, but as competent as ever, while taking the samples. Once he’d sealed and initialed them, he said, “I’ll put these at the top of the list. Should have the results by the end of the day.”

Gil repeated, “Thank you, Greg.”

Nodding, Greg picked up the kits and left the office.

Blair held out a business card and said awkwardly, “So, ah, I need to get back to the Symposium. You’ll call me with the results?”

Gil took the card and then offered his hand, absurdly glad when it was taken. “Of course. As soon as I know. Let me walk you up.”

Jim cut in smoothly, “We can find our way, thanks,” neatly placing his hand at Blair’s back and guiding him to the door.

Blair gave him a faint smile and a wave on the way out, allowing the possessive behavior. It surprised Gil, but then, he didn’t really know them well enough to say if it was the norm. He sat at his desk for a few minutes, staring at a file and not seeing a single word on it.

A knock at the door broke through his inattention and he saw Catherine on the other side of it. He nodded and she came in with a worried frown. “Are you all right? I saw Sandburg and his partner leave and you weren’t with them. Did something happen?”

Gil smiled at her concern and answered, “Everything’s fine. Greg took our samples and is working them now.”

“So I gathered from the closed blinds,” Catherine said wryly.

Groaning a little, Gil said, “Exactly the way to get the rumor mill going.”

Catherine smiled. “Hey, at least he’s trying to be discreet. Technically, he shouldn’t even be here.”

Gil winced as he realized that of course, Greg should be off-duty. Shift had ended an hour ago. He motioned Catherine to sit and picked up the phone, calling Greg again.

“I’m good, but I’m not that good, Grissom,” Greg answered cheerfully.

Gil snorted. “I know. No, I was calling to say put it aside until…”

“Oh no. It’s my time off and I can do what I want,” Greg cut in. “No way are you waiting an entire day to find out something like this.”

Both taken aback and gratified by the response, Gil said, “It’s okay, Greg. A day won’t kill me.”

“Well tough, because I’m way too caffeinated to sleep anytime soon, so I’m going to wile away my time rockin’ these results. Anything else?”

Gil made a mental note to keep an eye on the young man’s caffeine intake in the future, because he really did sound hyper. After a full shift, there was no way he should have this much energy. Half-smiling, he said, “No. Thank you, Greg.”

“Any time, boss.”

Gil hung up and ran a hand through his hair, offering Catherine a faint smile. “Looks like Greg’s going to do it regardless of what I say. Remind me to bill myself for all of this, will you?”

Catherine grinned briefly, even though her gaze remained concerned as she asked, “Are you all right? Really?”

Gil didn’t give her a pat answer, instead saying honestly, “I don’t know. I think I’ll be okay once I know how Blair reacts to the confirmation.”

“You’re that sure he’s your son.”

“You’re not?”

Catherine quirked a brief grin at him and said, “No, I am. He’s you, twenty years ago. Not physically, but just…I can’t describe it really.”

Gil nodded to show he understood. Then he frowned and asked, “Why are you here so early?”

Rolling her eyes, Catherine demanded, “Do you ever check your email? There’s a supervisor’s meeting in five minutes. I bet Ecklie announces the guys’ switch back to nights.”

Gil sincerely hoped that to be the case, but was disappointed. It turned out to be about budgets, of all things, and he tuned out about ten minutes in, suffering through the hour-long meeting with ill grace. As soon as the others had vacated the room, Gil simply looked at Ecklie, the other man also remaining in his chair, across the table from him.

Ecklie finally said, “What happened to Stokes didn’t happen because you weren’t there. There’s no guarantee that something equally as bad won’t happen on your watch.”

Gil just barely managed not to flinch at the bald statement. Meeting the other man’s gaze, he said, “I know that.”

And logically, he did. It was his heart that wouldn’t put up with being separated from Nick any longer.

“I need them on swing, I just can’t spare them.”

“Then I will be accepting LVU’s offer of a permanent, tenured position starting in two weeks.”

“Damn it, Gil, stop playing games! I put them where they are for a reason.”

There was honest anger in Ecklie’s expression and Gil stood as he said firmly, “I’m not playing games, Conrad. Either you put Nick and Warrick back on nights, or I leave. That is the situation. What happens next is entirely up to you.”

He held the other man’s gaze for a long moment and then left.

* * * *

The day went by at an impossibly slow pace. Gil went home after the meeting and went to bed, even sleeping for a solid six hours. He was back at the lab long before his shift began, ostensibly to do paperwork, but in reality to be on hand for when the results were done. He’d checked with Catherine to find out that Greg had gotten some sleep on-site, which made him feel a little better, though he also made a note to do something nice for such a huge favor.

Gil did his best not to go by Greg’s lab, not wanting to spook the young man more than he undoubtedly was. It wasn’t every day that your boss asked you to do a paternity test on him, after all. He busied himself with paperwork that really did need to be done until Sara showed up at the start of the shift.

Leaning against the door, she said, “Greg’s hiding in his lab. Do you know what’s going on?”

“Were you unable to drop off evidence?” Gil asked, concerned.

Sara shook her head and said, “No, it’s not that. It’s just weirder than usual for Greg , especially since it’s not even his lab anymore, really. Thought you might know what he’s working on.”

Gil confirmed, “I do.”

She waited and, when he didn’t go further, grimaced. “Fine. Be that way. Are you pulling a double?”

“No, just waiting for those results and a visit from Ecklie,” Gil replied.

Sara’s eyebrows lifted and she echoed, “Ecklie? What happened?”

Gil half-smiled and replied, “Nothing yet.”

Wry, Sara observed, “You are just a fount of information today, you know that?”

Gil chuckled as she waved and left. His phone rang and he saw that it was Greg, his humor instantly gone. Tension slammed through him and he picked up the receiver. “Yes, Greg.”

“It’s a boy. Congrats?” Greg replied, sounding uncertain even in his flippancy. “I’ve got both sets of results here, if you want to review them?”

Gil let out a long, slow breath and said, “No, that’s okay. I trust you. Thank you, Greg. Oh, and when you’re trying to be discreet, it’s probably better to just go about your normal routine instead of closing the blinds and making everyone curious about what you’re working on.”

“D’oh. Sorry, Grissom.”

Smiling, Gil said, “That’s all right. Just a tip for the future.”

“Gotcha. Thanks. And really, congrats. Dr. Sandburg is way cool. A chip off the old block, and I mean that.”

Unsure how to respond to that, he’d had nothing to do with Blair’s upbringing after all, he finally just murmured, “Thank you, Greg,” and hung up.

Gil sat there for a few minutes, taking in the confirmation that he’d somehow known would be coming. Despite expecting it, he wasn’t sure how he felt. He hadn’t had anything to do with Blair until two days ago, so how could he feel such pride in a man he barely knew? And would Blair want anything to do with him from here on out? Even if he’d had fatherly experience, how would that apply to a full-grown son? And what about Naomi? If he and Blair did develop a relationship, it was more than likely they would meet up in the future at some holiday event. How would he feel about the woman who’d borne his child and then kept them apart?

Again, too many questions and no answers.

Scrubbing fingers through his hair, Gil reached for the phone only to have it ring, startling him. There was no ID on the screen, so he picked it up with a businesslike, “Grissom.”

There was a long silence and suddenly, he knew it was Nick on the other end. Gil’s body tensed for an entirely different reason and he almost held his breath, waiting for Nick to say something. He was disappointed, though, because after a full two minutes of silence, the line disconnected. Shaky, Gil replaced the receiver and clasped his hands together to stop their trembling. He flashed back to that moment in the hole, a thick pane of plastic keeping him from a completely frantic Nick, their hands pressed together on both sides of the barrier.

Nausea rose, fast and ruthless, and Gil had just enough time to reach his barrel to vomit. He retched several times, losing what little lunch he’d had, and then collapsed on the floor still shaking.

“Gil? Gil! Oh my God, are you all right?” Catherine exclaimed as she dropped to the floor beside him. Her hand rested on his back, rubbing in soothing circles, and she asked softly, “Were the results negative?”

Gil shook his head and knelt up, leaning against her and wiping his mouth with his sleeve. “No, it’s not that. Nick called and…I had a flashback. To that night.”

She murmured, “Oh, Gil,” and then helped him to the sofa. Then she went to the mini-fridge and got him a ginger ale, returning to sit beside him.

He took the soda and the comforting arm she placed around his shoulder. The soda got rid of the foul taste in his mouth and he sighed shakily as he said, “I was right back there, in the hole and Nick on the other side of the plastic. I almost lost him, Catherine. He could have died so easily and I couldn’t have stopped it.”

Catherine’s fingers combed through his hair, a wordless caress and he was glad that she didn’t try to placate him with platitudes. They sat together for a few minutes until Gil regained his composure and then he sighed, about ready to get up even though he didn’t want to. There was something he needed to be doing and hiding in Catherine’s embrace wasn’t doing it.

To make the moment of embarrassment complete, Ecklie chose that moment to appear in his door. He took them in with an arched eyebrow and asked, “Is there something the two of you need to tell me?”

Gil grimaced and stood. “No. Is there something you need to tell me?”

Ecklie informed him, “Brown and Stokes are back on nights when Stokes returns from leave.”

He left, which was good because Gil wanted to shake him. He turned apologetically to Catherine, but she was already waving it off.

“It’s fine,” she assured him. “I’ll manage.”

Gil accepted the wry statement in good faith and hugged her before saying sincerely, “Thank you.”

She cupped his face and replied, “Just do us all a favor and straighten things out with Nick. I know you have this image in your head that it’s taking advantage, but Gil, he’s a grown man. He’ll either say yes or no and whatever the answer, you’ll be able to move forward.”

He knew she was right and nodded, though he wasn’t sure exactly how. It wasn’t until she’d left that he realized he never told her that the tests had come back positive, that Blair was his son. Gil sighed and walked back to his desk, finishing the soda and tossing it in the messed barrel with a grimace. He would call Blair first and then janitorial services, just in case he needed to throw up again after the first call.

Gil dialed the cell number on Blair’s business card and was relieved not to get voicemail. Blair picked up with a wary, “Gil?”

“Yes, hello, it’s me,” Gil replied, then mentally kicked himself again. Would he ever stop sounding incompetent around this man? “I ah, I have the results.”

“And?”

Gil tried to stay neutral as he said, “It was positive. You’re my son.”

He heard an explosive sigh and then Blair said, shaky, “Wow. That’s…I don’t know what that is. Hey, do you mind if I call you tomorrow? I, I just need to process.”

It sounded dismayingly like the letter he’d kept for so long, but Gil agreed, “Of course. I…for what it’s worth, I’m glad it turned out like this and I would, when you’re ready of course, I’d like to get to know you.”

“Thank you,” Blair answered, subdued. “Good bye, Gil.”

Gil didn’t get a chance to say goodbye before the other man disconnected. Heart heavy, almost positive it would be the last time they spoke, Gil gently replaced the phone to its cradle.

* * * *

It was just as well that Gil didn’t call until after six, because once he got the confirmation, Blair knew that he wouldn’t be able to concentrate on anything else. He turned off his cell and then slipped it into his pocket and walked towards the elevators. Jim was in their room, watching tv or talking to Simon about the case. He was staying a few extra days to support Blair no matter what the test results were. Abruptly certain that he didn’t want to go back there, that he needed to be alone to deal with this, Blair changed direction to the concierge.

The young woman behind the counter smiled a welcome and greeted cheerfully, “Hi there! How can I help you?”

Clearing his throat, Blair said, “I need to rent a car. Can you arrange it for me?”

“Of course sir. When do you need it?”

“Now. And a map to the Grand Canyon.”

A hint of concern showed as she said, “It’s probably not a good idea to go out there at night if you’re not an experienced visitor, sir. Why don’t I arrange things for first light?”

Blair shook his head and said firmly, “You can do it for me now or I’ll go out on the strip and rent one myself. I don’t care which.”

The concern was still there, but she reluctantly made the arrangements. Ten minutes later, he was driving away from Vegas in all her lit-up glory. He had a map, but didn’t consult it, driving more on instinct than anything else. The freeway was just about empty despite the early hour and once desert surrounded both sides of it, Blair took the next exit.

Blair drove through a tiny town on a two-lane byway and then took a dirt road out into nowhere. He stopped once there was only half a tank left in the car, not wanting to get stranded. By then, the sky was black, the only light coming from the halfway full moon and the stars that glittered in the dark. He found that the temperature had dropped and shivered out in the cold night, wishing he had a jacket or sweater.

Still moving on the instinct that had been driving him, Blair grabbed the bottled water and walked out into the night. All around him, the desert spread in every direction as vast and unchanging as the sky. The sense of timelessness soothed something deep inside and Blair let out a long, slow breath.

Blair sat in the dirt and folded his legs together, assuming the lotus position as he closed his eyes and let his mind drift. There was too much going on, his thoughts whirled with the news of his father, Naomi’s betrayal cutting into his heart, worry about the conference, worry about Jim and why he hadn’t sensed the explosion in Cascade. It seemed to take forever, but at last all Blair knew was the cold breeze over his skin, the hard surface beneath him, and the sounds of night birds calling to one another. Finally, a tiny sense of peace floated through him and he relaxed even further.

He took out each problem in turn and truly thought about it.

Gil Grissom was his father. Gil Grissom was a good man, an expert in forensics, and he wanted a relationship with Blair. Something, Blair found to his surprise, that he wanted in return. He wanted to get to know the other man, had wanted to do so long before knowing about the blood relation. That hadn’t changed, his perception of the man’s importance to him personally had.

All his life had been spent wondering about his unknown father; was he a horrible person, had he raped Naomi, all kinds of awful things to justify his mother’s silence on the matter. None of those imaginings were true, though. Gil Grissom was just a man who’d fallen in love as a kid and not taken protection at the time. And back then, condoms weren’t even as readily as available as now, so it wasn’t even really his fault, if blame were to be assigned.

Naomi, though…and here Blair found himself tensing with anger and so he let the thought go until his body relaxed again. When he’d calmed, Blair deliberately thought, Naomi had no reason to keep Gil’s identity from me at all, let alone my entire life. She did so for her own reasons and I don’t know what those are.

There would be no way of knowing why she’d done what she had without talking to her, so Blair stemmed the anger for the coming confrontation. He felt it, owned it, and knew that he had every right to it and so could let it go until the appropriate time.

As for the symposium, well, that was going far better than he could ever have hoped. So much hard work had gone into the planning that the execution had gone off without a hitch. There were minor irritations to be dealt with but, for the most part, there’d been no outrageous conflicts, nothing to derail all that was being achieved.

He had no doubt that it would happen again, just whether he wanted to be part of it or let it continue without him was the question. It had literally sucked down all his time, consumed every part of him not already invested in Jim and his job and something had to give. Regret filled him because Blair understood, finally, that because he wouldn’t give up Jim or his work, he had to let the symposium go. Blair let the sadness wash over him and then set it free. Knowing that he’d been part of its inception would be a point of pride for him for many years.

The explosion was something else altogether. Jim should have been able to either smell the drugs or the heard the timer counting down. Something had gone wrong with Jim’s senses right when they’d needed them most and that was on Blair. It was his job to keep Jim functioning and obviously there was a problem now, a serious problem. Blair owned that, too, accepting his responsibility and his failure.

Part of it, he reasoned, comes from being apart so much. I’ve been so caught up in the Symposium that I’ve neglected my duties as Shaman. I’ve let our spiritual partnership slide and Jim’s suffered as a result.

Blair let out a shaky sigh along with the guilt. He’d failed, but it was a setback, not the end of the world. He could, and would, put things right.

A sharp, dangerous sound cut the air and Blair opened his eyes to find a rattlesnake coiled a few feet from him. As he watched, it rose up and swayed slightly from side to side. Blair knew without a doubt that the snake was poised to strike, but felt no fear. He was here for a reason and maybe the snake was part of it.

Closing his eyes, Blair lifted his hands and face to the sky and started humming, echoing the snake’s swaying movements with his torso. The world fell away as he sang one of Incacha’s root songs, a song that he hadn’t sung in far too long, connecting him to the heart of the earth. The unmoving, living force beneath him filled him so that Blair felt he could fly if he wanted.

Instead, he hopped lightly to his feet and danced. It felt so good, so pure, that he didn’t even need to open his eyes. The occasional stumble was part of the whole, just like in life, and Blair sang with joy, lifting his heart and troubles to the universe above. When other voices joined in, it felt natural and right, and Blair flung his arms out in welcome, the song growing stronger with each new voice. The words didn’t always mesh, nor the languages, but the intent was ever the same; joy of life and belonging to the world, connection to the universe.

When Blair finally dropped from exhaustion, the first rays of the dawn broke across the horizon. His clothes stuck to him, soaked through with sweat, but he could only lie there in the dirt and gasp for air. Strong hands gently gathered him against a broad chest, a familiar scent filling him and Blair smiled when Jim kissed his forehead and murmured, “Welcome back, Chief.”

Sleep took him as Jim buckled the seatbelt around him a few moments later.

* * * *

Jim had seen a lot of weird things in his life, most of them since Blair had come into it, but the last ten hours officially topped the list.

At first, he hadn’t noticed anything wrong the night before. It wasn’t until Blair didn’t show up for dinner that he thought to give the other man a call, he was so engrossed in the files Simon had emailed him. When the call went straight to voicemail, he’d frowned and called Sasha, but the woman had had no idea where he was. So Jim had left the hotel room behind to go search for his partner.

Casting his sense of smell open had given him an easy trail to follow to the concierge, who’d told him about Blair’s trip to the Grand Canyon forty-five minutes earlier. That had told Jim that Grissom had called Blair with the test results. Sometimes Blair still ran when things overwhelmed him. Jim tried not to take it personally, even though it hurt like hell. Arranging for a rental had only taken fifteen minutes and then he’d been on the road, too.

He’d tried in vain to catch Blair’s scent but the freeway was just too metallic and windy for there to be any trace left even if Blair had had all his windows down. He’d driven for almost an hour before something urged him to turn around, an instinct telling him that he’d missed his partner even though they were nowhere near the Grand Canyon.

Another hour passed on the byway before that gut instinct kicked in again and he turned around. Driving slowly, Jim found the turnoff with its fresh tire tracks and let out a sigh of relief. It hadn’t been long before finding the rental, but there’d been no sign of Blair. Jim had closed his eyes and turned up the imaginary dial on his senses, breathing deeply to catch scent of his partner.

Finally, the breeze helped, blowing the scent right at him. Relieved, Jim had followed it to find Blair in a lotus position in the middle of nowhere. Knowing better than to interrupt, Jim found a spot off to the side and waited, sitting on a small boulder. Then the rattler had appeared out of nowhere and he’d slowly stood, pulling out his gun. Only, Blair had come out of his meditation at that moment and begun swaying, mirroring the snake’s movements.

The deadly reptile’s warning had slowed and then stopped as Blair began to sing, his voice low and primal, reaching into the depths of Jim. It wasn’t a real surprise either when the snake slithered away or when Blair hopped to his feet and begun dancing and singing without care. The hairs on the back of Jim’s neck had stood up as the atmosphere charged with some unknown power. Blair’s power, he’d realized, stepping back and away.

He spent the night keeping watch over his lover, who literally danced the night away. That wasn’t the strange thing. Blair went to all-night drum rituals all the time, or he had until the Symposium had taken over their lives. No, it was the ghostly forms dancing with him that had freaked Jim out. Nothing substantial, nothing his eyes could even really latch onto, but he knew the others were there.

The power grew, saturating the air until Jim wanted to shed his skin just to get away from it. He twitched almost constantly like ants crawling over his body, but refused to leave. Blair danced in circles, fast and slow and sometimes just swaying in place. He spun and fell, got back up again. And all along, he sang until his voice was gone, only a rasping whisper left that felt like nails on a chalkboard to Jim.

Not until dawn did Blair finally stop. And he didn’t stop so much as collapse like a puppet with its strings cut. Jim didn’t move until he saw those specters dissipate like so much gossamer spider silk from water. Then he strode to Blair and gently lifted him into his arms. Deep blue eyes blearily looked at him, though Jim wasn’t sure his partner really saw him. He kissed Blair’s forehead before saying, “Welcome back, Chief.”

He decided to take his own rental back and buckled Blair into the passenger’s seat where the younger man fell into a true sleep. Jim smiled at the familiar half-snore and kissed him again before walking around to the driver’s side and getting in. The return trip was much shorter, now that he knew where he was going.

Jim pulled up to the curb and gave the keys to the valet as he said, “It’s a rental. Can you have the concierge return it for us and charge it to the room?”

“Of course, sir,” the kid agreed, looking nervously at Blair still asleep in the passenger’s seat.

They garnered more than one stare as Jim carried Blair across the lobby to the elevators. He wasn’t quite lucky enough to get in them without meeting anyone they knew, though. He heard Sasha exclaim, “Oh my God!” and spotted her across the way, running towards them. Sighing, he waited until she’d caught up, standing half-in the elevator to keep them there.

“Jim! Oh my God, what happened? Do you need an ambulance? Is Blair all right?” she demanded frantically.

Jim shook his head as he stepped into the elevators and assured her, “He’s fine, just sleeping. Press the seventh floor, would you?”

Sasha did so, eyes still big with worry. “Sleeping? But, why? Are you sure he’s not hurt?”

Trying to find the best way to put it, Jim finally just said, “He went on a spirit walk last night in the desert.”

She gaped at him. “Excuse me?”

Jim stepped off the elevator and repeated, “He went on a spirit walk and was dancing and chanting all night. Key’s in my back pocket, can you get the door?”

Sasha looked like she had a million questions, but thankfully only pulled out the keycard and unlocked the door, pushing it open for him.

Jim walked passed her to the bed, lowering Blair onto the mattress and then propping pillows behind to ease pressure on the damaged ribs. He was going to be seriously hurting when he woke up. After pulling off shoes and socks, Jim covered Blair with the blankets, carefully so as not to shift his position. When he turned back, Sasha hadn’t moved from her spot by the door, still looking confused by the whole situation.

Quirking an eyebrow at her, Jim reminded, “You did know that Blair’s a Shaman.”

“Well yeah, but…” Sasha stopped talking abruptly, frowning intensely. “So, he’s really a Shaman. Like, old world, dance naked and sing to the sky Shaman.”

Jim half-grinned and said, “Well, he wasn’t naked, but yeah, for the most part. What did you think, that it was another academic title?”

Her pale face pinked up thoroughly and Sasha admitted, “I kinda did, yeah. He’s…he doesn’t seem…”

A knock at the open door stopped her words and Jim found Pukara, Pilpintu, and Yupanki standing there, the elders in front. Jim inclined his head to them and got nods in return.

Yupanki said, “The Shaman of the Great City called up great power during the night. Many holy men and women joined him in the spirit world.”

Not ghosts, then, spirit walks of other people, Jim realized.

Pilpintu told him, “He freely gave those who joined the Circle clarity and power, sparing nothing of himself. He will sleep much of the day, perhaps into tomorrow. You must wake him to drink and eat or he will fall ill.”

Jim nodded soberly and replied, “Thank you.”

Pilpintu walked forward and motioned him down, kissing his cheek when he bent in close. “We are leaving now. Tell the Shaman of the Great City thank you for his invitation. If he needs us in the future, if you need us in the future, you only have to reach out to us.”

“Thank you,” Jim repeated sincerely.

Yupanki walked over to the bed and took off his necklace, leaving it on Blair’s chest, and then they all left.

Looking even more confused, Sasha asked, “What just happened?”

Deciding the short answer was best, Jim said, “They’re going home. Oh yeah, can you have someone find Blair’s rental? It’s out in the middle of nowhere.”

The Chopec visit was just the start. Throughout the day, a lot of people came to see the still-sleeping Blair and leave tokens of respect and power from their own traditions, as well as invitations to visit. Jim felt the strength of each person’s connection to the world around them and it set his teeth on edge, letting strangers of power near his vulnerable lover. He allowed it, though, sitting nearby and keeping silent watch, accepting their nods of respect when offered. Jim felt strangely naked knowing that all of them could tell that he was more than he appeared, though they didn’t know how exactly.

Jim woke Blair several times to get him to drink water, eat something, and use the bathroom when necessary before letting him fall asleep again. Sasha popped in here and there, a tinge of awe now on her young face as she caught sight of the growing pile of gifts. Not that Jim blamed her; he was in awe of his lover’s power and they’d lived together for almost eight years.

At the end of the day’s lectures, Sasha came into the room again and flopped down on a seat with a stunned expression. It was enough to get Jim to prompt, “What happened?”

“We’ve had offers from four different sources to bankroll the event so that it can become a yearly tradition,” she reported, sounding dazed. “Major sources. Like billionaires. They don’t want to change it or take it over, just to fund it. They want to pay me to run it. Jim, do you know what this means? We can, we can do this all over the world! This could truly become a worldwide exchange! And it’s all because of Blair.”

Jim frowned and asked, “What do you mean?”

Sasha shook her head in disbelief and said, “Three of the four said outright that they’d been told by their spiritual advisor to do it, that they respect Blair’s spiritual ethos that much.”

Wincing at the thought that Blair would be working on the symposium from here on out, Jim glanced over at his sleeping partner. It had taken so much out of him that there were dark circles under his eyes, making the bruising stand out even more. He couldn’t ask Blair to give it up, though, it was too important for him. It made him nervous that unknown people of influence now knew Blair’s name, but that was the tradeoff.

Jim looked back at Sasha and forced a smile. “That’s great, Sasha. I know Blair’s going to be thrilled.”

Just about vibrating now that the shock had worn off, Sasha jumped to her feet and said, “It is great, isn’t it? I’ll even move to Cascade permanently so Blair and I can brainstorm a lot easier and work on figuring out a structure of support to get things rolling.”

“No.”

Blair’s voice hurt to hear, even that simple word. Jim walked over to the bed and said, “Well hello, sleeping beauty.”

Blair half-grinned at him and held out a hand, which Jim took and then tugged him slowly upright, not missing the flash of pain. He settled Blair against the pillows sitting up this time and Blair continued, “I’m done, Sasha. You’ve got the ball, run with it.”

Jim put his finger to Blair’s mouth and gave him a pointed look, getting a grimace and nod in return. He went to the mini-fridge as Sasha exclaimed, “But Blair, it’s happening because of you! You have to!”

Returning with a carton of milk, Jim held it out and saw Blair’s answer in his lover’s certain gaze. Jim looked at Sasha and told her, “He’s made up his mind.”

She looked heartbroken and said, “But I can’t do it on my own.”

Blair drank some of the milk and rubbed at his eyes as he countered, “You don’t have to; I just can’t do this full time again. I’ve neglected too much.”

Jim said neutrally, “Save your voice, Chief. Write it down.”

“No, that’s okay. I get it,” Sasha sighed. “I really do, and I don’t blame you for needing to spend more time on your life. I wish I had a life, you know? You rest up, Blair. I’ll swing by tomorrow morning to check on you.”

Blair smiled at her and they hugged before she left.

Once the door closed behind her, Jim sat on the bed and said, “So. Since when do you astral project without an animal spirit guide?”

Grinning, Blair picked up the ibuprofen bottle on the nightstand and shook out a couple of pills, washing them down with the last of the milk. Tossing the carton into the nearby wastebasket, Blair whispered, “Since last night, apparently.”

Exasperated, Jim tugged on a lock of his hair and ordered, “Shut it, Junior. No talking until at least tomorrow. Hey. Did you even notice the presents that people left you?”

That successfully diverted Blair into an excited examination of all the gifts, as Jim had known it would. He stretched out on the bed and fondly watched Blair go through the necklaces, bracelets, pendants, daggers, and a host of fetishes like a kid in a candy store. Eventually, Blair had touched each of the many items and gave them to Jim to put away for the trip home.

It didn’t take long and Jim ordered room service for them, which they ate on the bed. It was quiet and as closely tuned to Blair as he was, Jim noticed when the short amount of regained energy had been spent. He rescued the plate from his lover’s slack hand and cleared the rest of the food, pushing the cart into the hallway and putting up the ‘do not disturb’ sign.

When he got back to the bed, Blair had already fallen asleep, his chin resting on his chest and Jim shook his head with a small grin. He carefully rearranged Blair on the bed and then stripped, climbing onto the bed to take the place of the pillows. Burying his face against the warm, soft skin at the back of Blair’s neck, Jim breathed deep and then relaxed, letting himself drift to sleep.

* * * *

Blair woke before dawn, but took the time to appreciate just how wonderfully comfortable he was, with Jim supporting him from behind like a human pillow. He smiled and just drifted in an almost-sleep, letting thoughts go where they would. He didn’t pay much attention to any one thought that flit through his mind until his mother popped up. Sighing, Blair knew that he would have to track her down to talk about Gil. He wanted to know why she’d kept his identity a secret, since there was no earthly reason to do so.

Jim’s hand rubbed over his belly in a soothing way and his lover rumbled, “That was a heavy sigh. What’s wrong?”

“Naomi,” Blair answered simply.

Jim kissed the back of his neck and asked, “You want me to track her down?”

Blair shook his head, knowing just how pissy his mother would get if he let Jim use his official police contacts to find her. She’d grown more upset with his choice of occupation over the years instead of less so, her criticism of Jim and their friends more strident. “I’ll find her, but thanks.”

There was no sense in staying in bed since they were both awake, so Blair slowly pulled himself upright with a groan of serious pain. It felt like he’d broken the cracked ribs and every muscle hurt like nobody’s business.

“That didn’t sound good, stay still, Chief.”

Blair stayed where he was and Jim climbed off the bed. He tapped lightly at Blair’s side, but it still hurt like hell and Blair gasped. “Shit, that hurt. Did I break them?”

Jim looked grim as he nodded. “You did. I’ll have the concierge bring up a medical kit. Hit the showers, Blair.”

Blair quirked a smile at him and said, “I think they’re going to hit me, but yeah. Definitely shower time.”

The hot water and steam helped the aching muscles. Twenty minutes later, he stepped out of the shower and carefully dried off, trying not to bend over and aggravate his ribs. His lower half remained damp, so he put on a robe and left the bathroom to find Jim and an unfamiliar man standing in front of him. He was dark haired with blue eyes and very handsome.

Smiling, the man walked closer and greeted, “Morning, Dr. Sandburg. I’m Dr. Billy Grant, the hotel physician. Mind if I take a look?”

Blair looked at Jim and found a stern expression on his partner’s face. Grinning a bit at that, he said, “Doesn’t look like I have a choice, so sure, why not?”

Chuckling, Billy helped him remove the robe and then shook his head at the ugly bruising around the rib area. “That does not look good. Are you injured anywhere else?”

“Just really sore all over,” Blair told him.

Billy gave him a smile as he began the exam and said, “Flipping a truck three times will do that to you. I’m surprised you lasted this long without wrapping them.”

Blair hissed at the professional squeeze of Billy’s hands on his ribs and then explained, “They were only cracked to start with. I broke them when I fell last night.”

“And how did you fall?” Billy asked, shining a penlight in Blair’s eyes. “I don’t see signs of a concussion. Were you dizzy?”

“No, I was on a spirit walk.”

Billy paused in the midst of putting on his stethoscope. “Excuse me?”

Amused, Blair clarified, “Dancing under the moonlight. Chanting. Out of body experience. That sort of thing.”

Billy’s eyebrows lifted and he put the stethoscope to Blair’s chest, saying, “Deep breath.” There was a quiet moment as Billy listened to his breathing and then asked, “So was any peyote or other religious herbs involved? I only ask so I know what to look for, not for police purposes.”

Blair snorted and then winced. “No, it was purely a spiritual thing. You don’t really need anything artificial for something like that.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I’ve had plenty of spiritual experiences with the right bottle of scotch,” Billy quipped.

Blair chuckled and then gasped in pain again as Billy swiftly bound his torso. It was done in less than a minute and he accepted Jim’s help with putting on the robe again.

Billy wagged a finger at him and ordered, “Take some ibuprofen, keep them taped, and rest. No more truck flipping, explosions, or falling until those have healed, understood?”

Blair saluted, grinning. “Understood. Thank you, Dr. Grant.”

“Oh please, it’s Billy. Good to meet you, Dr. Sandburg. I’m looking forward to your lecture on Interpersonal Relationships as it Pertains to Positions of Power later today. And by the way? Great alliteration.”

Blair laughed outright at that and then groaned, holding his side. “Don’t make me laugh, man.”

Billy waved and then left the hotel room.

Jim rubbed Blair’s shoulders, massaging them and kissing the back of his head. “I’ve got some pills with your name on them.”

Blair smiled up at his lover and said, “Perfect.”

Jim moved away so Blair walked to the table where his laptop rested and sat down. Jim joined him there with a glass of water and four pills, which Blair took without protest and then asked, “How about some breakfast?”

Nodding, Jim walked over to the phone and Blair powered up the laptop. Yawning, he brought up his email and clicked lazily through him. There wasn’t much there and he closed the laptop when he realized that he was stalling. When Jim sat opposite him, he said, “I think I’m going to invite Gil to lunch today.”

Jim gave him an encouraging smile. “I think that’s a good idea.”

Suddenly unsure of himself, Blair asked, “Really?”

Jim reached across the table and took hold of his hand, saying, “I do. The two of you can go somewhere out of the hotel so Sasha doesn’t interrupt and start getting to know each other.”

It was a scary thought. What if Gil didn’t like what he found out? And it wasn’t as though he could tell the other man everything. At least he already knew about the diss, since he’d been at the opening dinner. But then, he’d already known, if he’d done the research he’d said he had.

“Blair.”

Jerking his eyes to meet Jim’s, Blair found a sympathetic compassion in his lover’s eyes. “Yeah?”

“He’s going to love you,” Jim said firmly. “He already likes and admires you, I can tell.”

It reassured Blair a little, but not much. Professional respect was something else altogether and not even Jim could have gotten a bead on the man so fast in their short, personal interactions. Shaking it off as best he could, Blair smiled and squeezed his hand. “Thanks.”

* * * *

The morning passed far too quickly. Gil sounded happy to meet him for a late lunch, if a little tired, and Blair decided to take him at face value for the time being. They agreed to meet in the lobby at two-thirty and then Blair had to get to his first session of the day.

The next few hours were filled with sessions and minor administrative duties both. Thankfully, Sasha seemed to have regained her equilibrium regarding Blair’s defection and was nothing but her happy, hyper self. She noticed him moving more cautiously than usual and asked about it, so Blair told her. That led to a mini-discussion about his Shamanic journey and a promise for a much more detailed one.

When Blair walked out to the lobby, he was a lot calmer, more himself, and smiled on seeing Gil already waiting for him. When the faintly preoccupied expression changed swiftly to a smile, Blair knew he wasn’t the only nervous one, which relaxed him further. He’d almost reached the older man when he heard an all-too-familiar voice call out his name.

Turning, feeling like he was in some kind of nightmare, Blair found himself with an armful of Naomi before he could warn her not to slam into him, as was her usual wont. Pain sliced through his side and Blair couldn’t stop a cry of pain, falling as he tried to protect the broken ribs. Strong hands grabbed him by the shoulder and hip, a solid body swiftly intercepting him and saving him from the fall before lowering him carefully the rest of the way.

“Blair! Oh honey, what’s wrong?” Naomi exclaimed, crouching beside him.

Blair was too busy trying not to pass out, drawing in short, controlled breaths. He heard Gil say in a calm, firm voice, “It looks like broken ribs, though I would have to examine him to be sure. You crashing into him didn’t help.”

It was with not some small satisfaction that he saw his mother flinch at Gil’s voice. He’d worked through the pain enough by then to look up and see Naomi pale, her eyes wide with recognition as she stared at Gil. A perverse sense of maliciousness caused Blair to say snidely, “You know Dr. Grissom, right, Mom?”

Naomi’s gaze twitched between Blair and Gil for a moment and her mouth tightened into a fairly unpleasant expression, all the more since it so rarely had adorned her face throughout her life. At least in Blair’s presence.

Gil held down a hand to him, which Blair gratefully accepted. He took a few long seconds to breathe through the renewed pain once on his feet and then asked with faux cheer, “So. How about a nice, family chat?”

Blair’s natural sense of humor abruptly restored itself and he couldn’t help but grin at Gil’s faintly amused expression and Naomi’s stormy one. These were definitely his parents.