Eli didn’t know what it said of him that the paper snowflake Cal had brought back from Afghanistan, likely as a gag gift, meant more to him than any store-bought gift. No, he knew exactly what it said. It said that he was pathetic, attention and approval seeking, and with serious ‘daddy issues,’ as the colloquialism went. He’d hung it on the tree and been grateful that his hands hadn’t shaken from both relief that Cal was back safe and gratitude that he’d been remembered at all.

When the feed had gone out on the besieged, underground headquarters halfway around the world, Eli’s heart had just about stopped. He’d prayed for Cal’s safety and prayer wasn’t something he did. Ever. He didn’t even believe in a God to pray to. Seeing Cal stride down the hall to his office where Emily waited had settled his heart in one way and started it going in another.

“You okay, Loker?” Ria asked from behind.

Eli nodded and quickly signed off his computer, which was what he’d been doing before getting sidetracked by his pathetic need to shake in solitude. He cleared his throat and countered, “Why wouldn’t I be? Lightman’s fine and back, we have the next few days off barring an emergency, and that means sleeping in and doing nothing.”

Her dark eyes were all too knowing as she looked at him but, thankfully, she only said, “Thank God. So you have no plans?”

“Well, the obligatory visit to my parents, but nothing else,” Eli confirmed. “We don’t really celebrate Chanukah, just take the time off to torment one another. How about you?”

Ria smiled, a real one, and answered, “Visiting my folks too, but mine sounds like way more fun.”

“I’m sure it is,” he agreed dryly, standing.

Grabbing his jacket, Eli walked her out of his current office and they headed for the elevator. They’d just reached it when Cal shouted his name from the other end of the office, the angry tone making him flinch.

Ria gave him a sympathetic look and squeezed his arm before ducking into the elevator with a quick, “Good luck. Call me if there’s bloodshed.”

Eli made a face at her as the doors closed and then took a deep, steadying breath. An angry tone wasn’t necessarily a truly angry tone with Cal; that was just how he tended to talk, to throw everyone else off and be the alpha dog.

Which works for a reason, Eli thought to himself as he walked back down the hall.

Cal’s office was, of course, the biggest in the place since it was his company. Gillian’s was only slightly smaller, being his partner. Both were twice the size of the shoebox Eli currently resided in, after his fuckup the year before. He was still working his way back into Cal’s good graces. Well, and that was assuming he’d ever truly been there, which wasn’t an assumption that Eli was willing to make.

Stepping into the office, he said, “I was just about to leave.”

“Yeah, I know. Sit,” Cal ordered bluntly.

Eli swallowed nervously, unable to help the reflexive action, and did as he was ordered, sitting in the chair in front of the large metal desk.

Cal stood directly in front of him, forcing him to look up, and then stated, “It has to stop. You doing this puppy-dog thing. You’re a grown man, for God’s sake. When I rip you a new one, fight back! Don’t just take it and beg for more.”

It was Eli’s worst nightmare come true. Of course Cal would’ve seen through to his desperate need for the man’s approval. Even Ria saw it and she’d been with the company for less than a year. Not that she wasn’t better at reading people than he was; she was already getting up to Cal’s level on natural talent alone. Marshalling his thoughts with an effort, Eli nodded as firmly as he could and agreed, “I will. Consider it done.”

Cal snapped, “Oi! That’s what I’m talkin’ about! Stand up for yourself, Loker! It’s practically a new year, so grow a pair and fight back for a change!”

Only, he couldn’t. Not when it came to Cal, anyhow. Eli adopted what he hoped was a properly aggressive tone and retorted, “So back off, already! I said I’d do it! If you want a jerk, I’ll be a jerk!”

Which was, apparently, exactly the wrong thing to say. Cal groaned and shook his head before saying, “You’re thick as a brick, mate. Stand up.”

Eli stood.

“No, sit down.”

Eli grit his teeth and sat back down.

“No, stand up.”

Taking a breath, Eli stood and told him, “If you’re looking for a fight, looking for someone to get into it with because of what happened in Afghanistan, it’s not going to happen with me and you know it.”

Cal gave him a shrewd look and agreed, “It’s not, no. What about a fuck?”

Stunned, Eli gaped at him before stammering, “Excuse me?”

“You heard me. How about a fuck, if I can’t get a fight out of ya?” Cal repeated.

Of all the propositions Eli had had over the years, this was by far the strangest. And the most insulting. He shook his head and muttered, “You are unbelievable,” before striding for the door.

“Oi! Loker, wait! I was joking!” Cal called after him.

Eli paused at the door and looked back at him, more upset than he wanted to be. “I know that you couldn’t care less about me, that I’m nothing but an occasionally well performing asset to the company, if that, but you went too far this time. I quit.”

He was proud of himself that he made it all the way to the elevator without turning back again, even when a properly apologetic sounding Cal called his name more than once. It was a hollow victory, though, because once the elevator doors closed, Eli felt like he was going to throw up.

* * * *

“Bugger,” Cal muttered when the elevator doors closed. “Foster’s going t’kill me.”

So were Emily and Ria. All the women in his life were going to kill him for finally driving Loker away for good. It was the devil in him, making him poke and poke and then poke some more at the weakest on his team until he finally broke. The worst part was that he knew Loker wasn’t weak except with him; he was a strong young man and talented to boot.

Scrubbing a finger through his hair, Cal knew he had to make it right. The problem was that he also knew just what he would have to do to make it right and Cal wasn’t sure that he could do it. Loker’s feelings for him had been pretty much inevitable since the first interview. Cal was just like the poor sod’s father and it drove Loker to seek Cal’s approval, no matter how many insults he threw the kid’s way.

Of course, the real joke was on him. It wasn’t until Loker had screwed up so monumentally and Cal had been truly disappointed in him, that Cal had realized just why he’d been so disappointed. He expected more from Loker than from anyone else, even Foster, and that was because he was in love with him.

Sitting behind his desk, he sighed, “What a mess.”

Foster, of course, chose that moment to walk in. She frowned and asked, “What’s a mess?”

Feeling a lot like a sitting duck, Cal assumed an innocent expression, “That lobby. Who’s going to clean up after the party?”

Foster’s eyebrows lifted and then her gaze narrowed at him. “What did you do?”

“Oi! Why am I always assumed to be guilty of somethin?’” Cal protested.

She just gave him an expectant look.

Sighing again, Cal admitted, “I might’ve pushed Loker a little too far.”

“How far?”

“He quit.”

“Cal!”

Cal lifted his hands and jumped to his feet. “I know, I know. Sorry, love. I just…I was rattled. You know what happens when I get rattled.”

Rolling her eyes, Foster poked him in the chest and ordered, “Fix it. I want him here, and happy, on Monday.”

“Foster, come on now, I can’t…”

“Fix it, Cal. I mean it. You tell that boy you love him or I will. It’s beyond time you did, anyhow.”

And with that she left the office, heels clicking sharply against the tiled floor.

Cal grumbled to himself about interfering women, but knew that she wouldn’t hesitate to do exactly what she’d threatened. And if he didn’t want to be in the doghouse forever, he would make Loker happy.

Not that doing so was a hardship really.

* * * *

When Eli saw Cal through the door peephole, he rested his forehead on the wood and muttered, “Why me?”

“Open up, Loker! I know you’re in there!”

Eli counted to ten and then opened his door, with a bright, very false smile. “Of course I’m here. Where else would I be? Certainly not somewhere with people who care about me, assuming anyone could bring themselves to care about me, as pathetic and wussy as I am.”

Cal winced and said, “Yeah okay, I deserved that. Can I come in?”

For a few seconds, Eli thought he had it in him to refuse, but then Cal gave him that damn look that said, “I know I’m an awful human being please forgive me,” and he caved. Sighing, Eli opened the door further and said, “Come in.”

Cal walked in and Eli shut the door behind him, locking it automatically. He trailed the other man into the living room where Cal looked around and commented, “Nice place.”

“That’s right. In all the years I’ve worked for you, you’ve never once come over,” Eli said pointedly.

Cal grimaced and exclaimed, “Bloody hell, you’re worse than a woman!”

Eli’s eyebrows lifted and then he snapped, “If you’re here to insult me, you can leave.”

Holding up his hands, Cal promised, “I’m not, I’m sorry. Look, Loker, it was your bad timing to be in the line of fire when I was ready to go off on someone. It’s not anything that hasn’t happened before and’ll probably happen again, but I am sorry for it.”

Eli hadn’t expected a flat out apology. It was more than he’d ever gotten before and the angry conversations he’d had with himself on the drive home almost went right out the window. And then he remembered what a master manipulator Cal was and simply replied, “Thank you for the apology.”

Cal’s gaze narrowed at him, brow furrowing together momentarily before he stated, “But you’re not coming back to work.”

“No, I’m not.”

Cal sighed. “All right, look. I was hoping the apology would do it, but clearly I pushed you too hard. I want you to come back to work. You are exceptionally good at what you do and we need you on the team. I need you on the team.”

“Why? So you can have a scapegoat around?” Eli demanded. “Torres is already better than I am. You go to her for everything now, anyhow. The only thing I’m good for is insults and kicking around. I’m tired of it, Cal. I can go to any other company who does what you do and get three times the salary and five times the respect. Because I am good at my job.”

Frustration flittered across Cal’s face and he made an impatient gesture with his hands. “I know you’re bloody good at your job, I’ve just said so! That’s not in question!”

It was something of a shock to recognize not just frustration and self-anger in Cal’s expression, but fear too. It was just a hint and gone fast, but Eli knew what he saw. Frowning, he walked closer, looked harder, and asked, “What are you afraid of? That I’m really not coming back?”

“Of course I am, you blighter,” Cal growled. “Foster and Torres and Emily will make my life a living hell if you don’t!”

But Eli shook his head, concentrating on all the micro-expressions that flickered over the other man’s face. “No, it’s more than that. Now you’re overcompensating for something. You’re hiding something. What are you hiding?”

Cal snarled something inaudibly and then grabbed for him. Eli felt a split second of actual fear, knowing that Cal was prone to violence when he felt truly threatened, but was pulled in too fast to escape. And then Cal was kissing him, hard and hungry, and all Eli could do was stand there, slightly bent over since he was taller, and let the kiss happen.

When Cal let him go, he gave Eli an irritated look. “My technique’s not that bad.”

Still stunned, Eli asked slowly, “What was that?”

“A kiss, you bleedin’ moron,” Cal retorted. “What did you think it was?”

Shaking his head, Eli asked, “No, why did you kiss me?”

“Oh for the love of…Eli! Wake up! Why do you think I would kiss you?” Cal demanded, arms folded aggressively over his chest. “Because I want you, maybe? Because my life is empty without you? Because I love you? God, you’re a royal pain in my arse.”

Eli gaped at him for several long, silent moments, hardly able to process what had been said. His first thought was that Cal was making fun of him again, but the anger and desperation on the other’s face was real. As good as he was, Lightman couldn’t get those kind of emotions by Eli if they were faked. And he would only be angry and desperate if he was really opening himself up.

A smile surfaced and Eli started laughing at the situation. Only Cal Lightman would deliver a declaration of love couched in insults and complaints. When Cal scowled and started for the door Eli rushed after him, still laughing. Grabbing hold of his arm, Eli said, “Sorry, I wasn’t laughing at you, I was just…laughing.”

Cal squinted up at him suspiciously for a moment and then a reluctant grin twisted his lips and he said, “I suppose you’re allowed. It’s pretty absurd.”

Feeling better than he had in a long time, Eli agreed, “It is, yeah. So. You love me. I love you. With anyone else, I’d know what’s next but not with you. So, what’s next?”

Cal’s expression softened a bit as he held open his arms and said, “I can’t change, Loker. This is me. It’s who I am.”

“I don’t want you to change,” Eli told him. “Just…maybe not be as hard on me as you always are?”

Cal half-smiled. “I’ll try. But you make a damn easy target, those puppy-dog eyes of yours begging for Daddy to look after ya.”

Heat flushed over Eli’s face and he cleared his throat uncomfortably before saying, “Yeah, well, let’s keep it out of the office, okay?”

An outright grin shifted over Cal’s face then, and he shifted closer, hands sliding over Eli’s hips to bring him in tight. He practically purred, “So ya want Daddy to look after ya, love? ‘Cause I can do that. Want to, point o’fact.”

“How about we start with less games and go from there?” Eli suggested, even as arousal slithered through him. He thought firmly, It’s the accent. It’s just the accent.

Cal stepped back with a knowing grin as he took Eli’s hands, lacing their fingers together and promising, “That I can do, too. C’mon. Let’s go back to my place and have Emily spoil ya a bit.”

Eli couldn’t help needling, “Just Emily?”

Chuckling, Cal tugged him towards the door and said, “Guess you’ll just have to wait and see now, wontcha?”

Let the games begin, Eli thought, amused.

He found himself looking forward to the ride.